Time is flying

I had a wonderful time on San Juan Island, with perfect weather. Little blessings do happen sometimes, yes? The Monday before Memorial Day Weekend, the nice folks at Lakedale Resort called me with a proposition. They had overbooked the resort, which includes not only the glamping sites, but cabins, a campground, RV sites and a beautiful lodge. Since I was traveling alone, they wanted to know if I'd give up my wonderful canvas cabin for a room in the lodge. At first I thought, yeah, but at what cost? I had already made the $200 deposit for my glamp site, so they said, how about what you've already paid, plus tax? Seriously, the lodge room they gave me normally is $279 a night, and it had a jetted tub, deck overlooking the lake, fireplace, wet bar with fridge and a wonderful bed. So, I was not glamping - I was in the lap of luxury!
The ferries were so full going over Saturday, I didn't get into Friday Harbor until 6 p.m. I went to a new place since last year, called Cask and Schooner, and had a wonderful dinner of risotto with scallops, and a couple glasses of wine. But as I thought about it, if I left Monday as planned, I'd have to be in the ferry holding area by just after 8 a.m. giving me only one full day on the island. So, I talked to the boys at the front desk, and yes, I could stay an extra night at the same price! I checked in with the Wiggle Room, where Miss Abbey was having her own little doggie weekend, and they said no problem, so I stayed until Tuesday morning and avoided the crowds. I'm so glad I did.
Sunday morning I went to town to Pelindaba Lavender, the store that sells all of the lavender products from the farm of the same name on the island. I love their stuff! I bought several gifts, and some lotion, tea, foot soak and what not for me! I hit it off with the very nice lady, Jacke, who was working there. She was very interested in my story as her dear friend has been dealing with cancer. We ended up having dinner together that night, and exchanged contact information. She grew up on the island, moved off for some time, and plans to stay now. Just a really neat person. We ate at a place called The Downrigger with a great view of the harbor, but just okay food.
Sunday afternoon was my great zip lining adventure, with Zip San Juan. At first I thought, oh Lord, what have I got myself into now, but I'm sold! I want to do it again - everywhere! It's so much fun, and such an adrenaline rush. This company has a 40-acre playground, with several lines in a pattern that brings you back to where you started.
They start with a baby run so you get used to the gear and how to steer (sort of). I never felt unsafe. Then you hike a little ways to the first one, which was pretty high. I stood there for a few minutes, sucked in some air, then sat down in my harness and off I went. It was great! You go through several runs, and each one is a little different; the last one is the longest, about 630 feet, and you fly over a pretty pond. The only part I didn't like was having to walk over one of those hanging bridges. You are still harnessed up, but it just freaked me out - I would have preferred just flying! So, I have another first under my belt!
I spent Monday exploring the two former military camps on the island and learning about the Pig War, which is a war that never really happened. It all started in 1859 because both the British and the United States claimed the San Juan Islands due to a boundary dispute. An American settler shot a boar that belonged to a British guy because it was foraging in his garden. Well, tensions rose, and soon both countries had established camps on opposite sides of the island prepared for war. But they eventually chilled out, in fact the two camps were socializing with each other before it all wound down in 1872.
Both former camps are now national parks and it's really a very interesting, weird piece of history, that largely was ignored because the Civil War was going on at the same time, so no one on the east coast even knew about it. A German arbitrator came in and as we know, the islands were granted to the U.S. Both camps were nice, but the English clearly had a more protected and scenic site. I ended up hiking quite a bit, so I was pooped. But I went back to Lakedale, rented a paddle boat for half an hour and paddled around the little lake, before taking a relaxing bath then going to dinner at The Place, another culinary delight. This time I had a black bean ravioli with large shrimp with cilantro and salsa - it was splendid. There, I met a nice couple from Seattle, Katherine and Mike, and had a nice conversation with them.
I got home Tuesday and had just a little time to get Abbey, clean up, and then meet my sister Cheryle, and my brother-in-law Jerry at a restaurant by the airport for an early dinner. They were heading back to Alaska after a long weekend with his sister and her husband in Shelton, across Puget Sound from me. It was so great to see them.
Today I'm feeling a little lost. I still haven't found any work, not even any calls. I am now concerned that I won't find anything because my surgery is now less than two months away. Who is going to hire me now if I have to tell them, "oh, by the way, I have to take two to three weeks off soon?"
Maybe this is God's way of making me take time to figure some things out. I have so much work to do on getting my head right again after all of this. I need to get to a point to where I'm okay with the lady in the mirror.
I'm reading a book that was recommended by both our group leader in my After Breast Cancer class and my therapist. It's called "Crucial Conversations." I hope to gain some wisdom from it.
I don't have much going on the next few days, so I guess I'll keep scoping out jobs and reading. The weather isn't the greatest today nor will it be tomorrow, so it's a good time to work on myself.
I continue to get physically stronger. I was surprised how well I did zip lining because you have to have your arms up holding on to the strap, so clearly my range of motion is getting better. And I went to Pilates this morning and it felt good.
Seattle is in mourning today, too, after a mentally ill man named Ian Stawicki went nuts and shot and killed five people yesterday before taking his own life. The shootings were in the University district, then downtown, but he ended up in West Seattle where the police cornered him and he shot himself. So awful. I could see the helicopters hovering over where they found him. It was surreal and sort of nerve wracking. What is wrong with this world? Crazy people shouldn't have guns.
I started taking the new estrogen blocker yesterday, and so far I feel okay. Time will tell if this one makes me feel bad. If that happens, Dr. Kaplan said to stop taking them and call him, which is exactly what I'll do.

Feeling pretty good

I don't know why - well, I think I do, but I feel a bit more at peace than I have for a long time. I've been off the estrogen blocker now for six weeks, so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. I still haven't found a job, but I continue to attempt to find something. I even went to one of those corny job fairs last week. They really aren't very stimulating but there were a couple places I thought I should check out.
Right now I'm sitting at the cancer center getting Herceptin. Dr. Kaplan gave me a new estrogen blocker to try out, but I won't start taking them until next week. I want to feel good this coming weekend, because I'm going glamping!
Yes, I'm going back up to my favorite place, canvas cabin #355 at Lakedale Resort on San Juan Island. I booked it for Memorial Day weekend because I thought for sure I'd be working by now, and I can't get my deposit back now, so what the hell. I can read, think, hang out, and I am having a great new adventure Sunday. I'm going to zip line! There's a new outfit up there called Zip San Juan, and it is getting great revues. I wanted to do this in Hawaii, but ran out of time and energy. So, one more thing to cross off the old bucket list! Where they do it, is really close to Lakedale, so they will pick me up in their van, and bring me back. Sweet. We'll be zipping among the huge trees there. I think it will be cool. They have all the safety equipment and what not, so I'm not the least bit nervous - yet!
The Black Keys concert was awesome, and my date was very nice, but then he had invited me for dinner the following Friday - and he forgot! He called me at 5:30 p.m. and wasn't really up to going out - he was tired. I couldn't believe it. I'd ironed a couple of different outfits not knowing where we were going. He said, well, I could come over there and he'd cook for me, but I took a rain check. I called him a few days later and told him I didn't think this was going to work. I need a companion who can keep up with me! I'm not ready to sit in the easy chair and watch Netflix for a date. I like to do stuff; seriously - I'm still recovering from cancer treatment, and I have more energy than a lot of these guys. I don't and won't do boring. I guess that's part of the reason I like younger guys, is because they do have energy, even though some of them are incredibly immature.
Like I said before, I learned in my last group, to take care of me. So, I'm going glamping alone, and that's okay.
I went to Miss Rose's ukulele jam yesterday in Fremont - I had a second lesson with her Friday. I felt much more confident, and held my own most of the time. So many folks in her jams are beginners, so really no one cares if you goof up. It's fun, but Lord my hand hurt by the end! I am really having fun with this.
I finally finished the "Millennium" series of books, ("Girl with the Dragon Tattoo," etc.) and my God, they were thrilling. I wish I could write fiction, but I just can't dream up characters like that. I would highly recommend these books to anyone who likes to read thrillers. Excellent.
Not much else to say. I am getting stronger and working out daily, getting my body ready for the next surgery July 23. I have my girls almost lined up to come take care of me. I need someone with me for sure for two weeks. I thank all of them in advance for being such wonderful and giving friends.

Surgery scheduled

Well this whole reconstruction thing is going to be another long ordeal. I go in a week before surgery for what they call "delay." This is to mess around with blood vessels in my abdominal area to increase the blood flow to the area so it's nice and supple. I will be knocked out, and will be sort of woozy for 24 hours. This procedure is because Dr. Isik will be using belly fat to construct my new left breast. It's really pretty clever - I get a tummy tuck, too! Then on July 23, I have the tram-flap. It's about a six hour surgery and I'll be in the hospital one or two nights. No kidding. I'll be toast for a good two weeks, and no strenuous exercise for eight weeks, which is going to suck. So, I'm really trying to get into fighting shape before this happens. I will have friends coming in shifts to care for me. This will be my hardest surgery yet. But I don't want an implant. I don't like the idea of a foreign "thing" in my body. Besides, most women reject them in 10-15 years. This way, it's made from my own tissue, so my body will not reject it.
There are three more in-office procedures after that, all about three months apart. They involve symmetry, and the creation of and tattooing of a nipple. I was pretty emotional because I didn't realize that I'm still in this for the long haul. So, one more year of my life will be sucked up by cancer crap.
Meantime, Barrie was here from Alaska, and we had a marvelous time! We had a wonderful lunch over the water at Defiance Point in Tacoma, for Jimmy's birthday, with her daughter, Jenny, and her friend, Maria who lives in Olympia. Barrie came back to Seattle with me, and we shopped, ate, drank wine, and just had a great time together. I still get tired from "too much" and I was a little pooped when she left Monday.
I had barely caught my breath, then it was Tuesday evening, and that meant the Black Keys concert at the Key Arena. My God, they are so incredible! The sound quality in the Key can be a bit iffy, and this time it worked for some reason. It was a fabulous show, with the guys performing most of the songs off the two most recent CDs, "Brothers," and "El Camino." I was with Mira and her friend, Juan, and I was on a first date with a very nice man named Dave. We all had dinner before the show. Dave said he had a really good time, and enjoyed the company. It looks like we're having dinner again tomorrow night. But I'm moving slow. I've suffered too many broken hearts in my life, and obviously I'm in a different head space now since the cancer. I've got to protect myself and do what makes me happy. I'm very independent - geez as of last month I've been on my own now for 10 years. I just don't want anyone to try too hard. It has to be natural. I am who I am. I don't expect anyone to change for me, but they damn well better understand me.
We finished up my ABC support group last night, and if I learned anything from that class, and I did, is that everything I've felt is completely normal. Now I have to figure out how to move forward in my "new normal." This includes taking care of me physically and mentally. I cannot and will not tolerate any outside bullshit.
Remember me mentioning Miss Rose and her band at the Pink Door a month ago? Well, I took an ukulele lesson from her yesterday! It was awesome! She's so cool, and sings so beautifully, too. I told her not to expect me to sing! Actually, when Barrie was here I drug her to my favorite dive/karaoke bar, and I did do one number - yes, Taryn - the infamous "You're So Vain!" Barrie about died! Some old cowboy coot grabbed her and made her dance with him while he sang a country tune. He was very good, and it was hilarious watching Barrie! Anyway, my old uke teacher, Scott, really did get me far, but he's really a guitar teacher, and there is a big difference. Miss Rose (Sunga) is having me learn some scales, and also she thinks I should cut my nails down. I'm sure she's right, but I'm not going to do it myself and flip Christina out (my friend and nail tech). I'll let her do it! But it will make it easier on certain chords where three or four fingers have to be in the same fret. So, I'm taking another lesson from Sunga next week, then on the 20th is her jam session at Dusty Strings. I'm psyched!
I'd be more psyched if I could find a job, but geez, this week some really, really interesting ones have popped up that I believe I would be excellent at. One is with Zillow, a real estate website, looking for an editorial writer. It's a contract gig, but could work into more. I mean, hello?! I was a real estate professional for 20 years and have been a journalist for 10 years! I told them in my cover letter, "I'm your girl!" Don't you think?

Feeling so much better.

Mentally and physically, I'm much better. I saw Dr. Kaplan yesterday for Herceptin, and he's giving me another three-week reprieve before we try another estrogen blocker. This one will be in a different "family," so hopefully I won't spin out. I couldn't take it again.
I always tear up when he and I have life and death conversations with him, which I usually initiate, but I have to know my odds. If I can tolerate another estrogen blocker, I increase my chances of the cancer not coming back by five percent. To me, that doesn't sound like a lot. But I'll give it a try in three weeks, but if nothing works without me feeling so dark again, I won't do it. I said to him, "you know that bumper sticker that says, 'I'm low on estrogen and I've got a gun?'" Well, that's how I felt. Only I wouldn't shoot somebody else. I'd shoot myself, and I don't really want to do that. Too messy! Hahaha! I know, sick.
I am very excited about tomorrow for many reasons. First, I finally get to see the plastic surgeon again about reconstructive surgery. I'm so anxious to hear what he has to say about when we can do it. I so desperately want to be "normal" again. I've waited months for this appointment.
Also, tomorrow, my friend Barrie, who I have known forever, and her daughter, Jenny, who I've known since she was a toddler, are flying in. Jenny is expecting her first child, so they are coming down from Anchorage to shop for baby furniture and what not.  I haven't seen Barrie since Jenny's wedding in the summer of 2010. Jenny was down last fall before she was pregnant. So, it will be so much fun to see them both. Barrie's staying here Thursday through Sunday; Jenny's staying at her friend's home in Olympia, but  we'll all get together.
Meantime, still no luck with the job hunt. I received yet another rejection e-mail today. It's beginning to feel like 2009 again. I had some other ideas, and Jacci, our group leader of the After Breast Cancer support group, encouraged me to think outside the box. So, I sent some e-mails regarding this idea, and not one has responded. It's terribly discouraging, but I am just trying to keep the faith.
Meantime, if you're a Facebook friend, you probably saw my photos from this past Sunday's "Beams and Dreams" sailing adventure. It was so much fun! I was alerted to it by Gilda's Club, and got in and was able to bring a guest, so I brought my crazy pal, Mira. We crack ourselves up - we both think we're so funny! Anyway, "Beams and Dreams" was the brainchild ten years ago of two brothers, then 12 and 13, as a way to give back. It's a free sailing adventure for cancer patients. Their parents were on the trip as ambassadors for their sons, who are now in college. These boys, at such a young age, sent out hundreds of inquiries to make this a reality, and hooked up with the Adventuress, a monster of a sailboat, built in 1913 as a whaling ship.
Now, the Adventuress is a non-profit, mostly used for teaching and research. But we got to help out raising the sails and what not; I can't remember all the terms, but Mira and I decided it was all about jibbing and jabbing, of course, cracking ourselves up! The crew was sooo nice. The captain was way cool - I told him he needed a parrot on his shoulder! Anyway, it wasn't real windy, but we eventually caught a breeze so they turned the engine off and we bobbed around Elliott Bay. It was lovely. Very good for my soul.
Next Tuesday night, Mira and I are going to the Black Keys concert at the Key Arena. Rock-n-roll! I'm so excited! They are so freaking good! I'm sure we'll have a blast. I've got my personal summer concert line up mapped out - in June I'm seeing the Broadway production of "American Idiot," at the Paramount - yes, it's a play, but scored by the rock band Green Day. I scheduled nothing for July, because that is when I suspect I'll have my surgery; but then in August I am seeing Melissa Ethridge as part of the Zoo concert series, then Aerosmith at the Tacoma Dome! I haven't seen either of them since the 90s - at the Spokane Arena. Melissa is a breast cancer survivor and one rockin' chick. Then, in September, I'm super excited about seeing Bonnie Raitt at Chateau Ste. Michelle winery. I have loved her to death since the 70s, and I haven't seen her since the 70s in Anchorage!! Her new CD is stunning.
So, the music keeps me going.
The online dating is pretty weird. I did have coffee with this one dude, and he talked about himself for the entire hour, then had to split. I could tell he wasn't interested, but I wasn't either. Good God, he's 60 and still has fucking roommates. Grow up dude. Then, there's the ones who get to chatting with you online, and then I finally realize they are only interested in a FWB. Ever heard that one? I hadn't until a year ago - it means friend with benefits. No thanks. Again, grow up.
My hair continues to amaze me. It's dark and curly! It was pretty much stick straight and blonde as a child, then it got more brownish-red, so I enhanced the red for years, now, it's dark, dark brown with amazingly little grey. I had to have it trimmed and shaped last Saturday because I was beginning to look like Little Richard back in his pompadour days! I was beginning to look like an eraser head!
I'll update soon regarding the next surgery. Peace out.

Out of the abyss

Things just kept getting worse with my mental state after my last post. I saw Dr. Dobie the day after my last post, and she mentioned she had also noticed a change in me since Dr. Kaplan put me on the estrogen blocker. Then, I had a grim reality to face Friday night, which I won't go in to here. Suffice it to say I realized someone I really cared for, really doesn't give a damn about me.

By Saturday I was back in the rabbit hole. Thinking about death. The sun was out, so by 4-ish I ventured out of the hole to the park with Abbey, and talked to the trees, God and Joni by phone. I felt better, but I still wasn't finding my joy.

Sunday I went to the Mariner's game. I had a great seat, good weather and they won. But I came home and cried. By Monday I called Dr. Kaplan and told him I thought the estrogen blocker was making me crazy. He said stop taking them and come see him in a couple of days, which I did. I've been off them now three days, and I feel SO MUCH BETTER. I'm finding humor in weird shit again, (that's the real me), and enjoying my ukulele, even singing (don't ever ask me to sing in front of you) while playing, and marveling that I'm remembering several chords and don't have to look at my hands. I'm back.

The mammogram on my right breast came out a-okay. Nothing to worry about there. My other girl parts are fine, too - no sign of cervical cancer. I'm doing my Pilates and I am back up to 45 minutes on the elliptical at level 7. I've even lost a few pounds and moved my belt in one notch. The new support group is so good. Last night we got onto the subject of intimacy after cancer. It was hilarious. I felt like I was back in my fifth grade (or whenever it was) sex education class. Jacci uses those gigantic post-its to write stuff and sticks them on the wall, and one had these words; vibrator, masturbation, and something else in a row, and I said, God help the janitor; he's going to wonder what the hell went on in this conference room! It was so open and cleansing though. It's a tough issue with body image problems.

Anyway, before the Friday night incident that I won't go into, I went to The Pink Door with Sophia, my little young friend who goes to UW, to listen to Miss Rose and the Rhythm Percolators. Miss Rose is an awesome ukulele player and I loved her! I was in awe watching her hands, and she sings beautifully, too. Her uke was solid ash, a canoe paddle shape. I introduced myself, and told her I have a repertoire of four songs, period, and she said that was good! She leads the jams at "Dusty Strings," but the only time I went to that one, she had a substitute. I'll go to hers next month.

I actually got the courage up to try the online dating thing again, too. Not Match, Lord no. My friend Lisa, told me about a free one called OkayCupid, so I've already been "chatting" with a couple of guys. I might have coffee with one this weekend. He seems nice. Another one, a real hottie, obviously just wants to have sex, and I'm just too vulnerable for a casual hookup right now. My heart gets broken too easily. Men. Don't even get me started.

I didn't get the job in Bellevue. I keep looking. I'm not losing hope yet, and now that I'm off those awful drugs, I feel in control of my life again. I see Dr. Kaplan again on the 30th for Herceptin, and we'll re-visit the hormone thing again. He believes I need to be on some sort of estrogen blocker because of my positive ER/PR markers, but obviously that one wasn't the right one. I told him that when I did have menses, I suffered from horrid PMS (depression, couldn't think) and that's how I felt, so we've got to avoid that again. If nothing works, I just will go without the hormone treatment altogether. It's not an automatic death sentence, and I'd rather live with a clear head then think about how to off myself.

Unemployment sucks; anxiety almost paralyzing

It's been almost two weeks since I blogged and I still don't have a job. The interview with my old company, for the Bellevue position, went great, but they still haven't hired anyone. Go figure. I had a phone screen with one other company, which was basically a few general questions from a recruiter, but she said they'd filled the position but would keep me on file for an interview should another opening come up. Weird.

It's so frustrating. Not to mention scary. So, meantime the shrink decided to put me on Wellbutrin in addition to my anti-depressant I've been taking for years, which was a huge miscalculation on her part. I threw them out almost a week ago after I found myself seriously thinking about how to end my life. I went to a pretty dark place, looking on Google for example, on painless ways to do it. I'm quite sure the pills were part of the reason. I could never understand the warnings about some anti-depressants making people suicidal, but now I get it. I guess she thought it would help because I've been pretty low about the job situation, as well as a family matter that shook me to the core a week ago.

I'm in a new group now called "ABC," or life After Breast Cancer. I'm finding it to be much more helpful than my old group. We talked a great deal last week about what we need to get better. I need peace and not to have to deal with other people's shit right now. Our facilitator, Jacci, said that's perfectly fine. Even though I'm "cancer free," whatever that means, I'm not over all of this. I suppose it has changed me forever. I found myself drinking too much (alone at home) after the layoff, so now I don't even keep it in the house. I had two Mimosas on Easter, while sitting in the sun, and that's it this week. I also went to a different church than the one I have gone to previously here (not that I go very often), and I felt a real connection to the pastor. He was greeting everyone as we left, and I handed him a prayer card for his eyes only.

He e-mailed me, and we've been having an e-mail conversation. I haven't ever done anything like this. But I need faith right now, and it's slipping away. He's going out of town for a couple of weeks, but when he gets back, we're going to visit in person. I just have a good feeling about him. He's not some sleazy preacher. It's a Lutheran church, which is fine. I was baptized in the Presbyterian church, but I've always considered myself a "jack Presby!" Taylor was baptized in the Lutheran Church, where my deceased mother-in-law went to church. She was a sweetie.

This week I've had doctors up the ying-yang. Monday, I had my three-month follow up with my breast surgeon, Dr. Beatty. He said I'm healing well. I asked about the occasional shooting pain in my chest cavity, and he said it's normal - nerves reconnecting. I'm still basically numb throughout the left chest area, but my arm is getting back to normal.

I don't see the plastic surgeon about reconstruction until May 2, but Dr. Beatty thought, from what he saw, that I should be able to have reconstruction in July, which is kind of what I thought. I cannot wait. I know it will be another long healing process, but I hate the way I am now. I'm working out regularly, eating well, and starting to get real strength back so I can go into reconstruction healthy.

Also Monday I saw Dr. Kaplan and had Herceptin, no big deal anymore. Then yesterday I saw an ob-gyn for the first time in two years for the dreaded check of my other girl parts. Dr. Kaplan referred me to this gal, Dr. Pray. I loved her. Young, awesome chick. I'm sure I'm fine. My maternal grandmother died of cervical cancer (I never knew her), but Dr. Pray said cervical cancer is not hereditary. Whew!

I have my group in a little bit, then Friday I see the shrink again, and I have a mammogram on the remaining boob. I couldn't believe imaging, when they told Beatty's nurse I better have both sides done - I looked at her and told her to tell them there's nothing to "mamm" on that side. Idiots. They obviously hadn't read through all my health records. It's all there in Swedish's system.

I continue to attempt to play my ukulele; I even went to another jam Sunday afternoon with the Seattle Ukulele Players Association. It was fun, but I still struggle to keep up, and this group does a lot of Hawaiian stuff, which I don't know at all. It helps to at least have the song sort of in your head.

It was also very wonderful to spend last Thursday with an Alaska pal, Marilyn, who was in town for the day on a long layover. We sold real estate together back in the day. We went to the Gauguin exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum that's only here until the end of the month. It was first Thursday, so it was cheaper. It was a very good exhibit - works from his time in Polynesia, where both Marilyn and I have been. She's a lovely person.

I think I'll go to one of the Mariner's opening home games this weekend. It's supposed to be another nice weekend - last weekend was beautiful. It's supposed to be the warmest on Sunday, so I think I'll see about getting a ticket for that game. I love watching them live. And the cheap cable I have doesn't include ROOT sports, which is the channel that carries their games. I think that sucks that I live here and can't even watch them on TV. It's like when the Olympics were in Vancouver - what, 3 hours north at the most, and we couldn't watch any of the events live. I don't get these things.

If I don't get a job pretty soon, I'm thinking of running away for a few days to the San Juans. For peace.

Feeling a bit renewed

The trip to my old stomping grounds was good for my head. It was not without some drama - going over, although the weather was picture perfect, there was a snow slide just past Snoqualmie Pass, which delayed traffic for two hours. So I had to hustle to get to Rathdrum, Idaho, to meet with my financial advisor about Cobra and what not, and he waited for me, bless his heart. I didn't get there until 6 p.m., but we had a good meeting. I decided it would be wiser for me to pay the Cobra than go on any kind of state assistance and risk the government coming after my assets.

I got to Erica's at 8 p.m., totally exhausted, only to realize I left my green bag at home, with all my MEDS in it. I freaked. I could not believe I was that spacey. I called my pharmacy (QFC), which is a Kroger store like Fred Meyer, so I was able to get some pills I absolutely needed at the Coeur d'Alene Fred's, but it cost me $47. Meantime, darling Alex, who works in the office here at West Ridge Park, went into my apartment with my blessing, and sure as hell, the bag was on the floor in the bathroom. He shipped it off to me UPS, and it was to arrive the next day before noon. Well, some dipshit Saturday part-timer said there was no such address, so I didn't get it until Monday, the day before I came home. Poor Alex, he paid to send it to me out of his own pocket, $88. So, I went to the office yesterday, to pay him back, and he said, oh let's just wait, because he already had started battle with UPS, so hopefully they will refund the whole thing. Erica does live at a rural address, but she's not off the grid for heaven's sake!

After the first night fiasco however, it turned out to be a lovely time. I got to snuggle with Quinn a lot, Erica and Matt's adorable 2-year-old cutie pie. She's so sweet, and she was fascinated with Abbey and I. She loved all my sparkly jewelry and what not. Babies are so special.

And my baby, all of 21 now, is doing well. We had a lovely lunch the first day with Kody, his best friend from middle and high school, who is like a second son to me, and gossiped about their old high school gang. It was so much fun. That evening, Taryn, Erica and I had a girls night at the Oval Office, a yummy restaurant in Post Falls, and talked for hours. They gave me a little tough love, but I needed it. I love them both with all my heart. Working with them and the old gang at the Spokesman Review was one of the best job times of my life.

Then, the big party was Saturday night at Erica's. Neither of us slept well Friday night - Quinn had nightmares or something, and Abbey was driving me nuts snorting at me half the night. But we managed to pull it together and had a nice spread for folks to make paninis. I was so tickled - all the old Spokesman crew I worked with came, and one former colleague from the CdA Mess, who is now at the Spokesman. Jesse even brought his ukulele (he's very good) and we played some songs together and it was so nice. He was patient and encouraging for me, and everyone seemed to enjoy our efforts. Thanks Jesse - I really appreciate it! The party started at 4 p.m. and wound down about 11 p.m. And little Quinn, in her cute pink skirt and matching cowboy boots, partied like a rock star the whole time. She doesn't want to miss a lick!

Sunday, Taylor and skied half day at beautiful Schweitzer Mountain, just north of Sandpoint, Idaho. Oh my God, it was so gorgeous and hot! I had borrowed some long underwear from him - big mistake. I thought I was roasting to death. Fabulous! Great snow, good time - except he always kills me on the first run. He forgets I'm 34 years older than him, and recovering still from cancer torture. But we got in four good runs, and my legs were getting rubbery, so I figured it was best to quit before I hurt myself.

After skiing, we stopped in Sandpoint - I forgot how totally groovy that town is. Taylor wanted to show me a rock store he loved, and holy crap, it was fantastic! Every imaginable rock you can think of including a huge natural crystal brought from Brazil with rose quartz in the center. Seriously, you can't even get your arms around it.

Monday was divided into visiting three different friends; first, lunch with an old high school pal, Claire, who moved to Coeur d'Alene after I left. So that was wonderful. Then, coffee with my friend Penny, and more coffee with another old pal from the CdA mess (who no longer works there) who also has a new baby I got to hold. It's like babies energize me. They have their whole lives ahead of them. I just hope it's a better world for them.

Meantime, of all the ironic things that can happen, I have a job "interview" tomorrow with - my old employer, Sound Publishing; yep, the same ones who laid me off. A gal quit, but I have to go through the formalities again. The bummer is I'd be in the Bellevue office, and I really don't like Bellevue. It's too stiff. Seattle is hip, where Bellevue seems plastic. But I'd be the assistant editor of "Scene," their A&E mag, which is right up my alley, amongst other things. So, we'll see.

Meantime, Taylor had his big interview with the Department of Lands in Idaho today, to fight wildfires this summer, and he said it went well. God I hope he gets it.

I went to a lecture tonight at Gilda's Club about our toxic environment and how it could be affecting our health and lives. It was pretty good. Stay the hell away from all pesticides, tobacco, and watch labels. If a product has the words "danger," or "poison," do not buy it! Also, get this, PVC, like in many home pipes, is a killer too. It was funny, because the speaker had a bag of props, and he pulled out one of those long plastic guitar shaped vessels they serve crappy margaritas in at the Gorge, and said they are entirely made from PVC. As soon as he took it out of his bag, I was like, oh my God, the Gorge margarita vessels! Everyone laughed because I immediately recognized it. I told them the margaritas taste like shit, too! So, there it is. The margarita in the PVC guitar shaped container is why I got cancer. Maybe!

So, I'm getting a good deal of exercise, have dropped a few pounds and feel pretty good, just tired right now. I'm excited because my friend Christina and I are going to a special concert by the Seattle Men's Choir Saturday night, called "Come Together," where, for the first time, they will perform all Beatles songs. Can't wait.They are so fantastic. We're having dinner first at The Melting Pot, which is always fun - it's a fondue place.

I've applied for 11 jobs total now, not including tomorrows interview with my old employer. I will continue to hold out hope for an improved life. Only one doctor's appointment next week - yay!