Fear, anxiety and hair

I had a haircut today. Pretty amazing, but it needed some shaping as it was getting sort of shaggy in places. I made an appointment for early August to shape it up again. It's encouraging how fast it's growing back.
I've had a rough couple of days. I got all the paperwork in the mail from the plastic surgeon, Dr. Isik, regarding my reconstruction, which is coming up fast. I read every word and sort of got freaked out. Of course this stuff always includes something to the effect that the worse case scenario is death. Super! (Note: sarcasm).
I go in four weeks from yesterday for the first procedure, which is done in office. This is the "delay" I talked about earlier. What it boils down to is cutting me open in the abdominal area and tying off blood vessels that are no larger than the point of a pen, to force more blood into the area. I just can't even imagine how the hell he does this. So, I'm under anesthesia for that one, and come home the same day.
Then on the 23rd, is the TRAM flap itself. I was of the impression that they actually remove the tissue from the belly and move it up to create the new breast, but I was wrong. That's the magic of it all; Dr. Isik will just kind of scoot it up, it being a vertical muscle and fat. Therefore, the blood supply is never disrupted. It's so amazing what they can do, but I'm getting freaked because it's a 6-hour operation, and again, anesthesia. I've never not woken up before, but you never know.
Adding to my anxiety is the fact that Taylor is now in Colorado to fight the wildfires there, since there's no action in Idaho. He's fine - I just talked to him today, and they are basically patrolling right now to check for smoke or new fires. I mean they are newbies, so I can't imagine they'll throw them into some sort of disco inferno. But it still makes me nervous. Oh shit, he just sent me a text - they just got dispatched. Sweet Jesus, keep my boy safe.
So, I have been very unproductive the past two days. I am seeing Dr. Isik Friday morning, just to talk, and get all my nitty-gritty questions I have hopefully answered. There's a lot of info in the packet they sent that I can't even begin to describe. You can Google Dr. Frank Isik and the TRAM flap if you want the medical details. It is fascinating.
Meantime, I did have a lovely barbecue Saturday night, with the usual suspects; Jim, Mira, Christina and her sweetie, Don. I invited more people, but it's always something I guess. Kind of hurt my feelings because I busted my ass to make everything perfect, and I won't be entertaining again anytime soon. But the five of us had a grand time!
Ukefest is this weekend; I'll be going to a concert, and participating in two workshops and a jam. then next Wednesday I'll drive up to Bellingham, spend the night there, then board the Schooner Zodiac for my 4-day San Juan Island Cruise on assignment for Wave Journey, which I'm really looking forward to. It will be a lovely break before all medical hell breaks loose again.

Sunshine!

Wow, the sun is out today and it feels so good! I had Herceptin today, and of course saw Dr. Kaplan. I did indeed try another estrogen blocker and quit taking it, too, after three days. Jesus, I had a nightmare I was in some huge house under lock and key because there were bad guys trying to get in. No one would tell me exactly what was going on, but it involved espionage. I credit that to the fact that I had recently finished the Millennium series of books.
Anyway, I was in my bedroom in this mansion, and I saw a shadowy figure in the window, and I'm not kidding, it was the Grim Reaper. Of course I couldn't scream, like it happens with so many people and bad dreams, but then when I did - it was out loud - and LOUD! The dog started barking, and I woke up just freaked out. No more estrogen blockers.
Dr. Kaplan understands. I told him I had horrendous PMS when I did have menses, and those damn pills made me feel like I have 24/7 PMS. It's okay. I've done everything else to stave off the cancer. So, all in all, I'm doing famously, and my reconstructive surgery is six weeks from today!! Can't wait to get a new boob!
All my girls are lined up now; Colleen made her reservations yesterday, so in order - I'll have Laurie, Taryn then Colleen coming to be my nurses. At the tail end of Colleen's stay, we're going to Aerosmith at the Tacoma Dome! Nothing can slow this girl down.
I'm feeling so hopeful, Lord knows why. I still haven't found a "real job," but with the advice, inspiration and support of a few other writer friends, I'm dipping my toe into serious freelancing. So, we'll see how it goes.
And I have big, great news! Love and smooches to my dear Jill and Viv, aka Wave Journey.com, a fabulous travel web site. They are leaving for Europe Friday and won't be back until August 10 (I know, brats!) A couple years ago they went on a sailing adventure on the Schooner Zodiac out of Bellingham, and wrote about it for Wave. They were invited to come back and write about an upcoming wine cruise through the San Juans (one of my favorite places!) and of course they can't go, because they'll be in Europe. So, they asked the first mate if another writer could come in their place, and guess who that is? ME! Yay! I'm so psyched! I will be a guest, for free, and write a story for Wave Journey. I'm also hoping to pitch it to perhaps a wine magazine or a Northwest Mag. Viv said the food is great, too. They feed us three nice meals a day, plus snacks and wine. I'll have a berth for accommodations, but Viv said it's private when I pull my little curtain. Hell, if there's a cute guy in another berth nearby....one can only hope! I'm so bad.
And, I will get to learn to sail. Guests take turns doing various jobs on the ship. Check it out at SchoonerZodiac.com. I'm just beside myself. So, I'll drive up to Bellingham the 27th, and we sail the 28th in the morning, returning Sunday, July 1. Surgery is July 23.
I'm having a barbecue this Saturday for my friends here, and I'm looking forward to it. I haven't had the energy to entertain for quite some time, so it's time.
The weekend of June 23 is Ukefest at Dusty Strings, and I'm excited about that, too. I am signed up for two workshops, and of course, Sunga's jam - she's my new teacher. Oh my God, I learned to do some "fancy picking" at my last lesson and I really get it! And I can do several chords without looking at my hands.
I feel alive again! That's it - as Pearl Jam sings "Oh, oh, oh, I'm still alive!" Eddie, take me away!!