Bump in the road

This is unbelievable. Last night I had the worse headache, along with lower abdominal pain. Pain to the point of waking up with it this morning. I called Dr. Kaplan, and he said, now don't be alarmed, but I want you to go to the ER.

I have appendicitis! I just can't believe this. Back in February when I had my first CT scan, they did tell me I had a little phelgmon (I don't know if I just spelled that right, and spell check didn't catch it) but anyway, it's a blockage of fecal matter in the appendix. No biggie, we'll keep an eye on it they said. I forgot about it.

It's back and it's bigger and hurts. But not to the point of my appendix bursting and me going septic. So, I'm here, in the hospital, getting antibiotics by IV. I have to stay overnight, and if the pain goes away, we'll just treat this with antibiotics until I'm done with chemo, which is until about the end of August, then they will have to take the appendix out. They could take it out now, but it'd be risky if there were complications as it would slow down my cancer treatment and there would be risk of infection.

Great, lumpectomy and appendictomy to look forward to in the fall.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm being punished for being such a brat as a teenager. God only knows.

Right now the worse thing is, I'm starving, and I can't have any solid food. I'd kill for a sandwich.

Other than that, I'm still tired and am beginning to realize I can't do it all anymore. A nurse just came in though, and was surprised that I was a patient - she thought I was a visitor. I guess it was the lipstick.

Off with the hair

I 've decided it's time. My hair is really thinning, falling into my soup, etc. So, I'm having it buzzed Wednesday. It's just too gross - I want to do this on my own terms. The upside is my legs are staying pretty buff (I don't need to shave as much) and my skin looks great!
I'm not too depressed this week. We had a beautiful sunny day yesterday, which helped every one's attitude. It rained today, but we've got a shot of great weather coming in - just in time for our (Brad and I) big glamping trip this coming weekend! I'm so excited! For those of you not on Facebook who didn't see my link, our exact glampsite is on the cover of this month's Sunset magazine! I couldn't believe it! Tent 355 - where I was last time and I got it again! It's at Lakedale Resort on San Juan Island. I was there last fall, and loved it. Beautiful island, and totally cool setting. I'm so looking forward to it, and we have a whale watching outing booked!
Meantime, back to cancer, I've been concerned about weight gain - I mean I've been exercising the best I can and eating a ton of fruit and veggies. Well, guess what I found out Friday at chemo? One of my pre-meds has steroids in it!! I have about four pre-meds before the heavy stuff to guard against any bad side effects such as nausea. The first two times I had chemo, I had to take some steroids orally but then they stopped that because I wasn't having any horrible side effects to the taxol. But then I discovered there is still some in one of those damn pre-meds. So that explains the weight gain and some pretty goofy mood swings.
Dr. Kaplan has been gone the past two weeks, but he'll be back Friday, and I'm going to request we ramp down the steroids. I mean, I really am tolerating the chemo well. It's just still fatigue and memory that are causing me problems. But as Brad says, it's not forever. But, it will be a long year, and if I can get rid of the steroids I think I would feel better.
Okay, watch Facebook if you're on it for upcoming photos of me in my wig or some other groovy head covering! I hope it's a good week for everyone.

"I'm so tired....

I haven't slept a wink, I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink."
That's from the White Album, by the Beatles. Their music always lifts me up when I'm feeling down. When I do get to the pearly gates one day, after catching up with ma and pa, John and George are next! Then Princess Diana.
Okay, I digress. I am sleeping better, but I'm still so damn tired. For those of you who know me well, you know I don't relax easily, and I have a fierce need to be in control of my life. With cancer, that control is slipping away. And it's frustrating, and for me, depressing.
I'm doing well as far as the tumor continuing to shrink, and my blood count was awesome yesterday when I went in for treatment. My mind continues to wander with the chemo brain. This is not just like the usual 50-something "can't remember shit" syndrome. It's like having to read press releases sometimes multiple times to comprehend it, or walking with a cup to put in the dishwasher, and I'm heading to the bathroom. It drives me nuts.
My hair continues to thin. I did get a haircut last weekend. Mallory did not think it was time for the buzz yet, because it's not coming out in big clumps. But it's still heartbreaking for me.
I'm exercising, but I get hungrier than I used to, consequently I've gained about 3 pounds. Great. Fat, bald and forgetful.
I had four Alaskans in town last weekend, which was great, but I wore myself out. But, it was worth it. I hit the wall Monday though, and couldn't go to work at all. However, the IT department issued me a laptop (a Mac, yay!) so I can work when I'm not there. Our copy editor, little sweet Becca, told me I'm the first reporter she's seen get issued a laptop in her three years with the company. So I was stoked about that. I work on a big I-Mac at the office, and I swear one of these days I'm going to break down and get my own for home. I have become convinced that Mac is the way to go.
So, tomorrow is Mother's Day, and my baby is as far away as he's ever been from me, in Texas still, working. I miss him, and I'll probably cry tomorrow over how much I do miss him. My dear aunt Ebba died last week, which stung, but she was almost 93. She had a good life, but now only one of my mother's sisters is alive, Edith, who I am very close to. It's odd and painful losing the elders.
So, yeah, I'm a little depressed, but I guess it's normal given the circumstances.
I don't know if any of you ever read "The Shack," but it's about one man's journey to rediscover his faith in God after his young daughter is brutally murdered. It's a beautiful story, which I know a lot of Christians think is a little too off-the-wall, but I loved it and it meant a lot to me.
Tomorrow night, at the Wa-Mu Theater, "Stories from the Shack" debuts, and Brad and I are going. He hasn't read the book, and I don't know what he'll think, but I really want to see it. Danny Gokey, who was in the top five on American Idol a couple seasons back, is in it. He's very good. He had lost his young wife (I think to cancer) just before Idol and this book saved his life he said. So, it should be very emotional. I'll probably bawl!
Happy Mother's Day to all you fabulous mom's who read this. I wish I had my momma still to hold and cry on her shoulder sometimes.