Had the delay procedure this morning and I'm doing fine, albeit a little woozy from pain killers. This was done in the small OR at the Polyclinic where Dr. Isik has his practice. Next Monday I'll be in the "big house" as I like to call it, aka Swedish Hospital on Broadway where I had all my other surgeries.
It hurt when the anesthesiologist first started to push the night-night stuff into me, then I heard them saying my name, and it was over. My first though was, oh my God, I overslept and missed it!
I've got gauze and steri-strips over the two incisions. I can take the gauze off tomorrow. Jim is here and I'm just taking it easy.
This is funny - it's a beautiful day, so after I got up from a nap, we were sitting outside eating tuna sandwiches. My cute neighbor came by with her new baby, so I got up to coo over the baby. Well, Jim was too busy looking at the cute neighbor (she is adorable - slim little thing that doesn't even look like she just had a baby), and while he was gawking, Abbey made off with 1/2 his sandwich! Serves him right! Don't be too concerned; he was on his second sandwich. So, Abbey scored big time. Good dog!
Okay, I'm laying low, but just wanted to report that I lived.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
I had a little pity party
I apologize to those who saw my Facebook post I put up briefly last night, before taking it down. But it seems it still lived somewhere, because I had several responses. Scary pre-op appointment, and 3/4 of a bottle of wine among other things sent me into a major funk. I'm sorry.
I did see Dr. Beatty Monday, my original breast surgeon, and it was great to see him. He's so caring and supportive. He was very reassuring about the reconstructive surgery. He said I'm in excellent hands with Dr. Isik, and I will wake up, not to worry. Even after reconstruction, I may never have normal feeling in my left breast again, which is a bummer. I basically have no feeling there from nerve damage.
I'm not so worried about the delay procedure this coming Monday. It's going to be a breeze compared to the 23rd. It will just be a small incision, enough for Dr. Isik to ligate some blood vessels. But I'll be goofy all day from the drugs. The 23rd is a different story.
When I had my mastectomy, I had to deal with a drain for what seemed like forever. They sort of look like a hand grenade, and fill with God knows what that comes out of your body - fluid you don't want building up. My sister, Cheryle, knew how much I hated that thing, mainly because it hurt. Well, after this surgery I get the thrill of not one, but two drains, and this other device that will be hanging out of me so I can dose myself with pain med. I can't OD - it's designed to only allow you to dose once an hour. I do get to stay in the hospital a day or two, but I'll be coming home with all of this crap hanging out of me and it just upsets me so much. That and being under anesthesia for 6 hours.
So, I sort of lost it. But I'm better today after taking a nap, and basically not going anywhere. I did write a story today for my old employer, and I am getting paid out of their not so lucrative freelance budget.
The story is upsetting to me, too. It's a follow up about an aspiring figure skater, who has real potential. The kicker is - and this isn't in the story to save the girl from ridicule at school - her family has recently become homeless. She just won a competition in Everett and has serious Olympic aspirations. She is very good. But it just pisses me off, the situation. Her mom, who is a single mom, lost her job two years ago after 23 years with the same company and things are just unraveling.
Then, a dear friend of mine lost her job this week - another professional just like me. I am beginning to wonder what the hell is happening to this country. I don't want to get into politics here, but I'm having a hard time with the state of the economy and how it is ruining people's lives. I'm sure as hell not voting for Romney - he won't give a rat's ass about people like me, but I'm losing faith in Obama even though I admire him greatly.
Once I'm all better and over with all of my cancer treatments and surgeries, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever have a real job again. The odds aren't good for folks my age. But I still continue to apply for jobs, even if no one responds, so I can continue to be honest in receiving my unemployment. Oh, yeah, and those rat bastards at the Department of Labor sent me a letter, which came yesterday, adding to my anger and frustration. They are going to audit me next week to be sure I really am looking for work.
Let me at them. I've got all the proof. Bastards.
So, I think freelancing and minding my investments are my best options right now, especially since I will require 4-6 weeks to recover from the surgery.
It's looking hopeful that NW Yachting is going to pick up my story on the Schooner Zodiac adventure, too, so I picked up a hard copy of the magazine yesterday at a local marina shop. It's sort of like a big tabloid, with lots and lots of ads for boats of all kind for sale. I'm intrigued now with the idea of just buying a boat I can live on, figuring out where to moor it, and write and be at peace someday. It doesn't seem like the normal "American dream" is going to happen to me, whatever that normal is. So, why not? I can sail away.
I did see Dr. Beatty Monday, my original breast surgeon, and it was great to see him. He's so caring and supportive. He was very reassuring about the reconstructive surgery. He said I'm in excellent hands with Dr. Isik, and I will wake up, not to worry. Even after reconstruction, I may never have normal feeling in my left breast again, which is a bummer. I basically have no feeling there from nerve damage.
I'm not so worried about the delay procedure this coming Monday. It's going to be a breeze compared to the 23rd. It will just be a small incision, enough for Dr. Isik to ligate some blood vessels. But I'll be goofy all day from the drugs. The 23rd is a different story.
When I had my mastectomy, I had to deal with a drain for what seemed like forever. They sort of look like a hand grenade, and fill with God knows what that comes out of your body - fluid you don't want building up. My sister, Cheryle, knew how much I hated that thing, mainly because it hurt. Well, after this surgery I get the thrill of not one, but two drains, and this other device that will be hanging out of me so I can dose myself with pain med. I can't OD - it's designed to only allow you to dose once an hour. I do get to stay in the hospital a day or two, but I'll be coming home with all of this crap hanging out of me and it just upsets me so much. That and being under anesthesia for 6 hours.
So, I sort of lost it. But I'm better today after taking a nap, and basically not going anywhere. I did write a story today for my old employer, and I am getting paid out of their not so lucrative freelance budget.
The story is upsetting to me, too. It's a follow up about an aspiring figure skater, who has real potential. The kicker is - and this isn't in the story to save the girl from ridicule at school - her family has recently become homeless. She just won a competition in Everett and has serious Olympic aspirations. She is very good. But it just pisses me off, the situation. Her mom, who is a single mom, lost her job two years ago after 23 years with the same company and things are just unraveling.
Then, a dear friend of mine lost her job this week - another professional just like me. I am beginning to wonder what the hell is happening to this country. I don't want to get into politics here, but I'm having a hard time with the state of the economy and how it is ruining people's lives. I'm sure as hell not voting for Romney - he won't give a rat's ass about people like me, but I'm losing faith in Obama even though I admire him greatly.
Once I'm all better and over with all of my cancer treatments and surgeries, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever have a real job again. The odds aren't good for folks my age. But I still continue to apply for jobs, even if no one responds, so I can continue to be honest in receiving my unemployment. Oh, yeah, and those rat bastards at the Department of Labor sent me a letter, which came yesterday, adding to my anger and frustration. They are going to audit me next week to be sure I really am looking for work.
Let me at them. I've got all the proof. Bastards.
So, I think freelancing and minding my investments are my best options right now, especially since I will require 4-6 weeks to recover from the surgery.
It's looking hopeful that NW Yachting is going to pick up my story on the Schooner Zodiac adventure, too, so I picked up a hard copy of the magazine yesterday at a local marina shop. It's sort of like a big tabloid, with lots and lots of ads for boats of all kind for sale. I'm intrigued now with the idea of just buying a boat I can live on, figuring out where to moor it, and write and be at peace someday. It doesn't seem like the normal "American dream" is going to happen to me, whatever that normal is. So, why not? I can sail away.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Calm before the storm
Actually, the weather was absolutely perfect today, and will be for the foreseeable future. It's interesting how 70 degrees feels like 100 in Seattle! Everyone is out walking, riding bikes, sunning themselves. It's glorious. I'm happy it's sunny because I'm getting nervous about my upcoming surgery. Gloomy weather right now would really put me in a funk.
I'm back from my wonderful San Juan Island wine cruise, and I am still working on the story. So much happened it's hard to get it all down. It was the best short vacation I've ever had. Depression set in almost immediately when I returned to the reality of my apartment and upcoming doctor's appointments.
It's hard to explain, but I felt like I had a family again on the boat. With only 12 crew and 18 passengers, in close quarters, you become pretty good pals. And since I haven't had a job in awhile, the fact that it was a learning and working cruise I felt like I had a purpose. I hate not feeling useful.
So, I'm not a bad-ass sailor - yet - but it sure was cool being a part of it. I won't go into the details here - when the story is done I'll link it to Facebook, but if you're not on Facebook it will be on WaveJourney.com for sure within a week or so.
I did have a wonderful little victory this week. I had an essay published in High Country News, a magazine in Colorado - and they are actually paying me! So, it's my first published, paid, magazine piece. I hesitate to talk about it too much because it's about my perspective as a mother whose son is fighting the firestorm in Colorado. Taylor rarely, if ever, reads my blog, so I am talking about it here - he doesn't like me talking about him, but if he does stumble upon it, I think he'd be pleased. It's at hcn.org under "Writers on the Range," and it's called "A Different Voice on the Phone."
I realized it was there as I was walking back to get my Herceptin treatment Tuesday, and my blood pressure shot up! It was kind of funny. My blood pressure is really good, by the way.
My white blood count is still low, and that's probably why I was so exhausted when I got back from the cruise. Well, that and the cook rang the breakfast bell at 7 a.m. and we were at it all day, either sailing or going onshore to taste wine, then drinking wine and eating into the night. Tough gig, right?! I even jammed on uke with two of the crew who brought their ukes! They were brothers, both in their 20s, seasoned sailors, little darlings.
So next week I see my original breast surgeon for a check up, then I have my pre-op with Dr. Isik the 11th. The first procedure, the delay, is July 16. My dear Jim, my friend forever in Tacoma, is going to take me to that appointment and bring me home, because they will knock me out. I don't have to stay in the hospital for that one. Then on the 21st, Laurie arrives for the first "nurse" shift. I've made a reservation for brunch at the Book Bindery (one of my faves) for Sunday, to show her my appreciation, and eat a nice meal in case I don't wake up from the big one on the 23rd!
I am exercising, cleaning, organizing, writing - just trying to accomplish as much as I can before I have to lay low. I did not gain any weight on the boat, because we were pretty active when we weren't eating or drinking! I dread being down for the count, but I look forward to the result and getting back to normal. Normal with scars. My friend Sarah says they will be scars I should be proud of. That's a tough one to grasp right now.
I'm back from my wonderful San Juan Island wine cruise, and I am still working on the story. So much happened it's hard to get it all down. It was the best short vacation I've ever had. Depression set in almost immediately when I returned to the reality of my apartment and upcoming doctor's appointments.
It's hard to explain, but I felt like I had a family again on the boat. With only 12 crew and 18 passengers, in close quarters, you become pretty good pals. And since I haven't had a job in awhile, the fact that it was a learning and working cruise I felt like I had a purpose. I hate not feeling useful.
So, I'm not a bad-ass sailor - yet - but it sure was cool being a part of it. I won't go into the details here - when the story is done I'll link it to Facebook, but if you're not on Facebook it will be on WaveJourney.com for sure within a week or so.
I did have a wonderful little victory this week. I had an essay published in High Country News, a magazine in Colorado - and they are actually paying me! So, it's my first published, paid, magazine piece. I hesitate to talk about it too much because it's about my perspective as a mother whose son is fighting the firestorm in Colorado. Taylor rarely, if ever, reads my blog, so I am talking about it here - he doesn't like me talking about him, but if he does stumble upon it, I think he'd be pleased. It's at hcn.org under "Writers on the Range," and it's called "A Different Voice on the Phone."
I realized it was there as I was walking back to get my Herceptin treatment Tuesday, and my blood pressure shot up! It was kind of funny. My blood pressure is really good, by the way.
My white blood count is still low, and that's probably why I was so exhausted when I got back from the cruise. Well, that and the cook rang the breakfast bell at 7 a.m. and we were at it all day, either sailing or going onshore to taste wine, then drinking wine and eating into the night. Tough gig, right?! I even jammed on uke with two of the crew who brought their ukes! They were brothers, both in their 20s, seasoned sailors, little darlings.
So next week I see my original breast surgeon for a check up, then I have my pre-op with Dr. Isik the 11th. The first procedure, the delay, is July 16. My dear Jim, my friend forever in Tacoma, is going to take me to that appointment and bring me home, because they will knock me out. I don't have to stay in the hospital for that one. Then on the 21st, Laurie arrives for the first "nurse" shift. I've made a reservation for brunch at the Book Bindery (one of my faves) for Sunday, to show her my appreciation, and eat a nice meal in case I don't wake up from the big one on the 23rd!
I am exercising, cleaning, organizing, writing - just trying to accomplish as much as I can before I have to lay low. I did not gain any weight on the boat, because we were pretty active when we weren't eating or drinking! I dread being down for the count, but I look forward to the result and getting back to normal. Normal with scars. My friend Sarah says they will be scars I should be proud of. That's a tough one to grasp right now.
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