And once again my life takes an unexpected turn

No matter what anyone says, your career, your job, is your identity. I loved this job, and I just got laid off today. I'm not crying anymore, but I feel pretty lousy.

Again, I didn't see it coming, until I learned right after our staff meeting that Chad, our ONLY professional photographer for four papers, was laid off. My next clue was that Janet, our publisher, was on her way to our office. She doesn't come over a lot. I was last in, so, first to go. I'll work until March 9 - oddly, I started there on Nov. 9, 2010. I don't want to go. Mary and I held each other and bawled later on. It's not her fault, or Janet's. It came from much higher. Each paper had to lay off one person. I don't know how Mary is going to do it, because I was the only reporter. She's the editor, but now, she's also the reporter. All that's left is sports, copy editor and the ad "executive." Yeah, right, like they're such executives.

It's just like when got laid off at the Press. I have cultivated my sources both on Mercer Island and Sammamish, to where I'm known, trusted, considered concerned and accurate. Damnitt, I hate leaving my beats. I'm so screwed.

I don't know what I'm going to do, but this is particularly devastating because I had my arms wrapped around a sweet, sweet condo, that I (could have) afforded. We were just waiting for my pre-approval, due any day now. I still want to know if they'd given me a mortgage, but for now, my little condo has slipped through my hands, and I remain in this shit-hole. Not that it's really a shit-hole, but I just want a place with more light and in a better neighborhood.

Sweet Jesus, I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess re-group, start looking for a job, and hey, I'll have time to work on my book. Yes, I've started a book. Keep you posted.

For now, I could use a little love and encouragement if anyone's got it for me. These past 10 years have been hell. Like Jack Nicholson said, "is this as good as it gets?"

Making progress

I always feel like there's never enough time for me to get all my stuff done on the weekends, or in life, period. I just do the best I can everyday.

Today was a first. I went to the jam session for ukulele players at Dusty Strings. I was pretty nervous, as I didn't know what to expect, but I really did have a great time! There were many times I got flustered because I still don't move quickly between chords, but I did my very best and had fun with it. Apparently the leader today isn't the usual leader, but he's there a lot. He said he hadn't seen that many people there in a while. Then I heard someone say something about Eddie Vedder. Funny. There were about a dozen women - from a quite elderly lady, to very young - and two guys. It was good experience for me to play with other people, and hear them, although at times I could feel the heat rising in my face because I knew I was goofing up! No one seemed to care.

I didn't get to see a lender last week, but have an appointment now Tuesday, to see if I can get a mortgage. I am so hopeful. I'm ready.

My old friend Jane, and her husband, Ken are in town for their daughter Jennifer's birthday, so I had dinner with them, Jennifer's boyfriend and another friend of hers at Ray's Boathouse on Shilshole Marina, and it was so much fun! Then we went to a pub in Fremont, the Tin Hat I think it was called, and more of Jennifer's friends showed up for her birthday. I had so much fun, and all the "kids" loved hanging with Jane, Ken and me, too. I was a little loopy, took Jane and Ken back to their hotel. Big fun. I love it when old friends come to visit! And I love, love, love that Jennifer. She's such a sweetheart and she and I are cut from the same cloth as Jane says!

As far as my healing goes, I finally quit peeling from the damn radiation. The redness is getting better, too. It's amazing. I had zero doctor's appointments last week, and have none this week, either. It's sort of freaky, because it becomes such a regular part of your life. Next week however, I have Dr. Kaplan and Herceptin, then a follow up with my radiology guy.

I did Pilates twice last week, and did my elliptical for half an hour three times. I want my old self back!

Moving forward

I hope you like the new name! I still have challenges ahead, but I did beat the monster cancer. At least for now. It's not unusual I hear, to worry about the cancer coming back once you've been down this road. I even asked Dr. Kaplan Monday if he was sure I was cancer free. I am, but we are still taking pre-cautionary steps.

Radiation turned out to be much worse than I expected. They really crank it up at the end, and as I write this I'm peeling, like you do when you have a really bad sunburn. It hurts. But my physical therapist bid me adieu this morning because my range of motion is almost back to normal on the left side. She just said to not force it and to be careful until my skin heals.

But I've been doing Pilates again, at a studio that wasn't very convenient for me but I liked the instructor. Well, guess what? An instructor I already knew, who is very good and is trained in authentic Pilates (as Joseph Pilates taught it) just opened a studio of her own - right above my office! Hello convenience! I'm so excited, and she did a beautiful job on the space. So I shall start with her Monday, and I have no excuse not to go. I consider that a blessing.

But, back to the healing. Understandably I am eager to get "rebuilt," but the plastic surgeon doesn't even want to see me until May 2. I wasn't really surprised. I need to heal before they start messing with me again.

Meantime I have so many goals and projects to do, but it's all going to take time. I'm seriously looking at condos, in fact I'm seeing a mortgage lender next week to get my ducks lined up.

You see, I want to improve my life now. And the 10-year anniversary since my divorce and having to sell the dream home is coming up. Add to that, the record low interest rates and prices (even in Seattle) getting reasonable and I see no reason not to try.

But I've also been very frustrated this week. The ukulele I bought in Hawaii seems to be problematic. I bought a tuner, and couldn't get it in tune. Scott, my teacher, noticed this before - the strings slip. I called the guy in Hawaii whose shop I bought it from, and he went on and on about how I just need to tighten the screws. Well, we did that to no avail. So, after work today, I took it to "Dusty Strings" in Fremont, who are the ukulele experts here. For $37, including labor, they put new tuners on it and it's fine! Yay! AND - they have ukulele jams every third Sunday. I asked if I would be intimidated, and they said no, I should come! So I will! I really like the little instrument. It's therapeutic for me.

I am also having fits with understanding my new computer. I bought a Mac Book Pro, and I love it - it's fast, fast, fast. It's just me. I have a class tomorrow at the Apple Store, thank God.

One day at a time. I have to keep telling myself that.