Chemo over, surgery scheduled

I'm still reeling from Friday's chemo, but it's over! For my heartfelt gratitude to my wonderful oncology nurses, I brought them a huge spray of flowers Friday, and a long, handwritten card expressing my feelings for how wonderful they've been, but I said, "I'm ready to blow this popstand!" I got lots of hugs in return, and a lovely handmade card from my favorite nurse, Sarah, who I told I wished she was my daughter, and her parents should be very proud of her.
While I'm on the subject of flowers, Saturday I got my $5 roses at West Seattle Produce, to cheer the place up. So then, my monthly housekeeper shows up with a dozen roses from Safeway for me! So sweet. So, I'm arranging all these roses, then there's a guy at the door with a floral delivery from my sweet Barrie up in Alaska congratulating me on my last chemo! I said to Celia, the housekeeper (I adore her), it looks like someone died now! Seriously, I loved it, and thank you so much, Bear. They are fabulous!
So, here's the scoop. My surgery is Sept. 14. One of my other angels, Joni, flys in the evening of the 12th (from Tucson) and will be here until the 18th to get me through it. Dr. Beatty (my surgeon) was amazed at the reduction in the mass. I'll have an MRI Sept. 6, along with bloodwork, and another mugascan (checks my heart to make sure it's strong enough for surgery, which I'm sure it will be...they've told me I have the heart of an athlete).
The MRI will tell the whole story, but Dr. Beatty is feeling pretty confident he'll get a clean margin, and even do a little "lifting" while I'm out, so hopefully I won't be too funky looking. I forgot to ask if he could do a little lipo-suction under my arms while he's in there! Alas, he doesn't do that anyway! My lower body has kept strong because I use my elliptical and walk, but I need to get rid of this shit under my arms when I'm strong enough.
The first step on the 14th is to inject dye under my left arm, so they can locate and remove the sentinel node. A pathologist will be on hand. If it looks bad, he'll examine it right away (while they are in there), but if it doesn't look suspicious they'll have a report in a couple of days. I pray that's the case and cancer hasn't slipped into any of my lymph nodes. So, this could go pretty good.
Meantime I went to a wonderful seminar last Thursday night on nutrition during and after cancer, and I left feeling pretty good about how I've been taking care of myself nutritionally. I'm already doing a lot of things right, but I need to eat about a cup and a half more of veggies each day. I do well with fruit, low dairy, I'm down to 2 cups of coffee a day, and I haven't had a drink in awhile. I have no desire. But when I do, I'm limiting it to 2 glasses. I could live to be - well who knows. It's not important, but I'm not ready to check-out just yet.
Taylor and Jamie are coming for Labor Day weekend! Yay! I bought tickets for Bumbershoot on Sunday of that weekend, so that will be fun. I'm excited about seeing Leon Russell! Remember him? Session man for the Beatles, especially George, (Leon played the concert for Bangladesh, brought the house down with his own take on "Jumpin' Jack Flash), but if Taylor and Jamie don't want to see an old fart, there will be a super hot Seattle rapper on another stage nearby! Leon will probably finish before the rapper, so I'll sneak in there, too.
Yesterday, my curiousity got to me, and I felt okay, so I went to Hempfest! Wowwee - this is the biggest festival of it's type anywhere! This is an interesting city I live in...love it. It was hot out and I can't take too much sun, but I saw all kinds of product made from hemp, head-shop type booths, politicians with booths who support legalization of marijuana, voter registration, bands, old-white stoners, young black and proud, little adorable couples and families - all at Hempfest. I treated myself to a delicious Hemp ice-cream sandwich - all natural, no soy, no dairy, served to me by a little old lady. God I love this town!
But then the bummer was, I got too hot, too tired and couldn't remember where I parked. I wandered, started to cry, but eventually found it and went home to take a shower. It was such a beautiful day until then. I just got panicky. But soon, when all the poison has worked it's way through my body I'll think clearly again.
I have goals. I want to be a grandmother someday. I still believe in love.

Madness

What, somebody please tell me, is going on in this world? I cried through the first 20 minutes of the news tonight. A 600 point drop in the market, 31 dead troops in Afghanistan - the most in one day in this stupid 10-year war. Riots in London. And, cancer care providers running out of oncology medicines and it could get worse?

It's hard not to be depressed right now.

Thankfully, for many reasons, I have only one chemotherapy treatment left. So, hopefully Swedish won't run out of my poison before then, which is August 19. I had chemo Friday, and today, day three is always when I hit the wall. I feel terrible, everything is so difficult, and I cry a lot.

So, I'll be gad when chemo is over. Next step - see my surgeon August 22 and schedule the the lumpectomy. I'll go through another round of blood work, MRI, and God knows what else.

My timing always seems to be off. Yesterday, before the stock market crash today, I booked a trip to Kauai for Taylor, myself and I think his girlfriend Jamie is coming, too, which is great because I really like her.

But I got a good deal. It's only five days, but it was a Living Social coupon, at a brand new resort on Poipu beach, which is where I wanted. Gads, it's a two-bedroom, partial ocean view, with a full kitchen and lanai. And it's a full-service resort with housekeeping, concierge, etc. We get a discount at their market, and scuba diving or snorkeling for two, which I'll give to the kids. I'd rather do a river kayak adventure.

So, I'm trying not to beat myself up over this - quality of life is important too. I had to work this around blackout days at the resort, and Taylor's school schedule, so we aren't going at Christmas, which would have been great, but who seriously can afford that? So we're going Dec. 10-15, and I look at it as hopefully my "I survived" journey.

Meantime, I worry. About everything. Please someone, tell me things are going to get better.

I am happy with Seattle. When the weather is nice here, which it has been lately, it's so beautiful. I was just thinking yesterday how glad I was to have moved here. I renewed my lease until the end of next June, because I really can't find anything better where I can have Abbey. They treat me well, so it's okay.

Oh, and to top off all the rotten news, next season is the end for "Desperate Housewives!" That bites! Oh well, I thought I'd be lost when the original "Melrose Place" was cancelled so I guess I'll live through this one.

I do hope Taylor comes to see me soon, as I still haven't seen him since he got back from Texas. I haven't seen him since April, and I miss him so much. He is allegedly coming Labor Day weekend, after chemo and before surgery, which is what I want, because I don't want him to see me miserable.