The tolerator

That's what one of the nurses called me yesterday, because I've tolerated the taxol/herceptin so well. Sounds like a new super hero name. But I'm not a super hero, contrary to popular opinion.

I just met with Dr. Kaplan. Next week I start the new stuff, A/C, and it will be every other week, which is called dense dosing. It used to be they did it every three weeks, but Dr. Kaplan said it works better this way, and they seem to think I can handle it.

This means, unless he decides to go for two more treatments just in case the tumor isn't as shrunk as he'd like it to be, I'll be done with chemo August 12. Unbelievable. It's gone so fast, yet it seems like a hundred years ago since my diagnosis.

I was so worried about ending my chemo, for fear I'd never see Dr. Kaplan again. I trust him and love him so much. A respectful love, not romantic mind you. But he reassured me we're not "over."

He told me he is my "point man." Even after the lumpectomy, which will be done by Dr. Beatty, and radiation, Dr. Kaplan will be my doctor for a long time. He said until Feb. 3, 2022. I said "what?" Well, that's when he turns 75 and plans to retire. I told him I plan to retire before he does!

So I feel much better knowing he won't abandon me.

I've been very tired this week and fairly emotional. Anxiety gets to me. I miss Taylor so much, too. He's still in Texas, but he'll be back in Idaho by August and he says he will come see me. There's nothing like a hug from my boy to make me feel better.

I'm looking forward to next Wednesday evening, as I have tickets to a sold out Lucinda Williams concert. You either love her or hate her, and I adore her. Many of her songs are sad and lonely, but lovely nonetheless. Her new CD "Blessed," however, is very positive. She's a wonderful songwriter and cool chick. Can't wait.

Not much new on the big C front

I am in chemo right now as I was last week when I last posted here. Pretty uneventful week, just work and take my pills and sleep. Although yesterday was rough.

They have to give me these shots (neupogen) to keep my white blood count up. I've been getting them twice a week without too much problem. The one side effect is you can get a lot of aches and pain in your joints. I've had a little bit of it before, but it was almost debilitating yesterday. I hurt all over. It was a real bummer. I was in bed by 8:40.

Dr. Kaplan said we'll only do one shot next week, on Thursday, the day before my last Taxol/herceptin infusion.

We talked about what to expect when I switch to A/C, (stronger drugs) July 1. Everyone is different, but he said I might experience more fatigue (great), and nausea. I haven't thrown up once on the Taxol, or needed the anti-nausea drugs, thank God. A/C will be every other week, so I will be done with chemo by the end of August, pretty much on schedule. I just hope I don't spend the rest of the summer hugging the big white bowl. I don't know. He thinks I'll endure it pretty good since I've done so well so far. This whole thing seems to have gone by so fast. It seems like I was just diagnosed - but that was in January. What a way to spend a year.

Making medical history

Yesterday I had my follow up with the surgeon (Dr. Florence) who took my appendix out. He looked at all three little incision spots (his handiwork) and said everything looked good. I can get back to doing some core exercises now although I am still pretty tender down there, which he said is totally normal.

So, I'm in my chemo treatment right now....in my last blog entry I said I only had two treatments left of the Taxol/Herceptin, but actually I have two more after this. June 28 I will have the breast MRI and mugascan before beginning phase II of chemo.

So, here's what's funny. I'm getting off the elevator on the treatment floor and I ran into Dr. Beatty, who is the surgeon who put my port in and who will perform the lumpectomy this fall. He gave me a hug, and I asked him if he heard the latest (about the appendectomy). He said he heard about it, but didn't realize it was me, and OMG, they discussed me in one of their big surgeons meetings where they do whatever it is surgeons do, you know, having a pow-wow on all their amazing cases. He said it sounded like a real mother of an appendectomy (he didn't say mother, but it was inferred). What I have learned now from talking to Dr. Florence, Dr. Kaplan and Dr. Beatty, is that I had chronic appendicitis, not acute which is what most people get (where your appendix just decides to blow). Mine was a slow build up, with the blockage, and it was attached to my colon which is not supposed to happen! So I have a whole new respect for Dr. Florence, who I thought was kind of a douche bag because he has no personality, however, he worked on me twice as long as normal to get it out laproscopically so he wouldn't have to make the big cut and risk infection.

So, I was the talk of the surgeon's pow-wow, and again I am convinced I'm in the hands of rock stars.

Speaking of which, if you follow me on Face Book you will know I was at the U2 concert last Saturday night. It was indeed a beautiful day, the best so far this spring, with Lenny Kravitz kicking off the show. The stage (the claw) was phenomenal; basically an enormous space ship inside Qwest Field.

However, in my weakened state, it took me days to recover. Getting to bed at 1 a.m. doesn't work for me anymore. I layed down Sunday afternoon and I was so tired I couldn't even sleep. Then I got up, ate, got ready for bed and slept for probably 9 hours, and I was still exhausted.

I no longer can party like a rock star, which is distressing for me.

Anyway, I'm okay today, but it's been a tough week. I had to work late Tuesday night and last night, which doesn't help.

I hope to get more rest this weekend. Oh, and my hair is falling out even more. It's getting pretty thin, so I suspect it won't be long until it's all gone.

Back in the chemo saddle

I didn't have chemo last week due to the whole appendix fiasco, but I was back in the chair yesterday. My blood is fine; they even checked my iron this time because I was a bit anemic. I just realized I only have two more treatments on the taxol/herceptin, then they will do another breast MRI and a mugascan (checks my heart).

Then, I head into four treatments of the heavier stuff - every other week. It's called A/C (adriamycin and cytoxan).

After that I gear up for my lumpectomy. Oh yay, another surgery! When they wheeled me in for my appendectomy, I felt like an old hat this time. I was petrified when I had the port put in - this time I was yukking it up with the nurses and anesthesiologist; next thing I know I'm in post-op and don't know why I'm there! Some drugs.

Speaking of which, I got some medical herbs today if you get what I mean. Nice. And just in time for the U2 concert tonight. Yeah, this old lady will never change. And I'm not calling myself old, but let's just say I've lived some life so far.

Bump in the road

This is unbelievable. Last night I had the worse headache, along with lower abdominal pain. Pain to the point of waking up with it this morning. I called Dr. Kaplan, and he said, now don't be alarmed, but I want you to go to the ER.

I have appendicitis! I just can't believe this. Back in February when I had my first CT scan, they did tell me I had a little phelgmon (I don't know if I just spelled that right, and spell check didn't catch it) but anyway, it's a blockage of fecal matter in the appendix. No biggie, we'll keep an eye on it they said. I forgot about it.

It's back and it's bigger and hurts. But not to the point of my appendix bursting and me going septic. So, I'm here, in the hospital, getting antibiotics by IV. I have to stay overnight, and if the pain goes away, we'll just treat this with antibiotics until I'm done with chemo, which is until about the end of August, then they will have to take the appendix out. They could take it out now, but it'd be risky if there were complications as it would slow down my cancer treatment and there would be risk of infection.

Great, lumpectomy and appendictomy to look forward to in the fall.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm being punished for being such a brat as a teenager. God only knows.

Right now the worse thing is, I'm starving, and I can't have any solid food. I'd kill for a sandwich.

Other than that, I'm still tired and am beginning to realize I can't do it all anymore. A nurse just came in though, and was surprised that I was a patient - she thought I was a visitor. I guess it was the lipstick.

Off with the hair

I 've decided it's time. My hair is really thinning, falling into my soup, etc. So, I'm having it buzzed Wednesday. It's just too gross - I want to do this on my own terms. The upside is my legs are staying pretty buff (I don't need to shave as much) and my skin looks great!
I'm not too depressed this week. We had a beautiful sunny day yesterday, which helped every one's attitude. It rained today, but we've got a shot of great weather coming in - just in time for our (Brad and I) big glamping trip this coming weekend! I'm so excited! For those of you not on Facebook who didn't see my link, our exact glampsite is on the cover of this month's Sunset magazine! I couldn't believe it! Tent 355 - where I was last time and I got it again! It's at Lakedale Resort on San Juan Island. I was there last fall, and loved it. Beautiful island, and totally cool setting. I'm so looking forward to it, and we have a whale watching outing booked!
Meantime, back to cancer, I've been concerned about weight gain - I mean I've been exercising the best I can and eating a ton of fruit and veggies. Well, guess what I found out Friday at chemo? One of my pre-meds has steroids in it!! I have about four pre-meds before the heavy stuff to guard against any bad side effects such as nausea. The first two times I had chemo, I had to take some steroids orally but then they stopped that because I wasn't having any horrible side effects to the taxol. But then I discovered there is still some in one of those damn pre-meds. So that explains the weight gain and some pretty goofy mood swings.
Dr. Kaplan has been gone the past two weeks, but he'll be back Friday, and I'm going to request we ramp down the steroids. I mean, I really am tolerating the chemo well. It's just still fatigue and memory that are causing me problems. But as Brad says, it's not forever. But, it will be a long year, and if I can get rid of the steroids I think I would feel better.
Okay, watch Facebook if you're on it for upcoming photos of me in my wig or some other groovy head covering! I hope it's a good week for everyone.

"I'm so tired....

I haven't slept a wink, I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink."
That's from the White Album, by the Beatles. Their music always lifts me up when I'm feeling down. When I do get to the pearly gates one day, after catching up with ma and pa, John and George are next! Then Princess Diana.
Okay, I digress. I am sleeping better, but I'm still so damn tired. For those of you who know me well, you know I don't relax easily, and I have a fierce need to be in control of my life. With cancer, that control is slipping away. And it's frustrating, and for me, depressing.
I'm doing well as far as the tumor continuing to shrink, and my blood count was awesome yesterday when I went in for treatment. My mind continues to wander with the chemo brain. This is not just like the usual 50-something "can't remember shit" syndrome. It's like having to read press releases sometimes multiple times to comprehend it, or walking with a cup to put in the dishwasher, and I'm heading to the bathroom. It drives me nuts.
My hair continues to thin. I did get a haircut last weekend. Mallory did not think it was time for the buzz yet, because it's not coming out in big clumps. But it's still heartbreaking for me.
I'm exercising, but I get hungrier than I used to, consequently I've gained about 3 pounds. Great. Fat, bald and forgetful.
I had four Alaskans in town last weekend, which was great, but I wore myself out. But, it was worth it. I hit the wall Monday though, and couldn't go to work at all. However, the IT department issued me a laptop (a Mac, yay!) so I can work when I'm not there. Our copy editor, little sweet Becca, told me I'm the first reporter she's seen get issued a laptop in her three years with the company. So I was stoked about that. I work on a big I-Mac at the office, and I swear one of these days I'm going to break down and get my own for home. I have become convinced that Mac is the way to go.
So, tomorrow is Mother's Day, and my baby is as far away as he's ever been from me, in Texas still, working. I miss him, and I'll probably cry tomorrow over how much I do miss him. My dear aunt Ebba died last week, which stung, but she was almost 93. She had a good life, but now only one of my mother's sisters is alive, Edith, who I am very close to. It's odd and painful losing the elders.
So, yeah, I'm a little depressed, but I guess it's normal given the circumstances.
I don't know if any of you ever read "The Shack," but it's about one man's journey to rediscover his faith in God after his young daughter is brutally murdered. It's a beautiful story, which I know a lot of Christians think is a little too off-the-wall, but I loved it and it meant a lot to me.
Tomorrow night, at the Wa-Mu Theater, "Stories from the Shack" debuts, and Brad and I are going. He hasn't read the book, and I don't know what he'll think, but I really want to see it. Danny Gokey, who was in the top five on American Idol a couple seasons back, is in it. He's very good. He had lost his young wife (I think to cancer) just before Idol and this book saved his life he said. So, it should be very emotional. I'll probably bawl!
Happy Mother's Day to all you fabulous mom's who read this. I wish I had my momma still to hold and cry on her shoulder sometimes.