So this is hell

I had my first dose of Adriamycin/Cytoxan Friday. This is the last phase of chemo, and it's only every other week, thank God, because it's kicking me in the ass. I felt okay, just tired Friday night, but had watery eyes from the Adriamycin. That drug is done with a "push" where the nurse (angel) actually sits there and slowly infuses it through my port. It's bright red and makes you pee funny colors for a day or two. It's important to drink a lot of water to flush it out of your bladder.
Cytoxan is a drip like the old stuff. There are many icky side effects from this cocktail, including nausea which I didn't have at all before, but I've been a little queasy all weekend. However, I haven't thrown up. I'm extremely tired, weepy, and dizzy. I only have to go through this every other week. It's awful. I feel like I just want to die.
My hairdresser took off what was left of my real hair Thursday after work. We left a stubble, so I look like GI Jane. What was left of my real hair looked worse. Like a man with male pattern baldness. It didn't traumatize me as bad as I thought it would, in fact it feels so much better. I even went to the grocery store with nothing on my head because I was hot. I figure if anyone says anything nasty, which no one did, I would simply tell them this is not a fashion statement, I'm sick.
I had a wonderful Fourth of July weekend with Jill and Vivian, and have yet to post pictures but I will. Brad got back from his trip to Montana Friday night, just in time to see me all sickly this weekend. But we did manage a little bit of the West Seattle Street Fair late in the afternoon, and a bite to eat, which I could hardly eat. He brought me back the most gorgeous Pashima in purple tones with little sparkles that looks fabulous with my pretty eggplant sundress I got in Paris. I hardly wear the dress here, because I didn't have a proper wrap for it and now I do! So my ensemble for next Friday night's big Eddie Vedder concert is complete, well, except now I want new shoes! What if Eddie sees me for God's sake!
So, life goes on, but it's hard. I need to go lay down now.

Another delay

I've felt pretty crappy all week. Very, very tired. Well, no wonder. My white count plummeted again, so I couldn't start the adriamycin/cytoxan (A/C) yesterday as planned. I got a neupogen shot to bring my counts up, and will start next Friday instead. So, now I won't be done with chemo until August 19 at the soonest. This is the harder stuff, so it's every other week.
My main problem this week is my right foot, specifically my right big toe. It hurts like a mother. Last fall, the toenail was starting to ingrow, so I went to a podiatrist and he whopped a sliver of it off to relieve the pain. It seemed to be doing fine for a while, then the toenail began lifting and beginning to hurt. I was also worried about catching it on something, and it tearing off, which I knew would send me through the roof.
I told Dr. Kaplan, and he had me see a different podiatrist, who agreed it had to come off. So, Wednesday morning I went in. It's a terribly painful procedure. The worst part is the shots to numb your toe first. You don't even feel the nail removal, but once the anesthetic wore off I was in excruciating pain. It still hurts.
It's never hurt this bad before when I've had a toenail removed, but this had some sort of "thing," a bump growing up under it, not a new nail pushing it up like I thought. So, he used silver nitrate to cauterize it, which also hurt like hell. Now it's black and disgusting.
I was in tears yesterday over my blood count, my foot, my brain dead-ness, everything. Cancer is hell.
I'm taking it pretty easy today. Brad is gone to Montana for a week, leaving yesterday. But tomorrow Jilly and Viv show up! They are my wonderful girls from Bend, Oregon (well, Jill and I worked together in real estate in Alaska). I had a connection, so I got us free tickets for a Mariners game tomorrow - vs. the San Diego Padres. We beat them last night 6-0! Go Mariners! So that will be fun. I haven't been to a game since I moved here.
Jill and Viv are staying through the Fourth of July, then leaving Tuesday morning, when I go back to work.
Work is a whole other issue. I'm really getting stressed out over the whole covering Sammamish thing. I was hired to work for the Mercer Island paper, and now I'm covering local government in Sammamish, too, which is a hard beat. And they want to change the format of the paper, combining it with Issaquah since they are so close together. I told my boss on Mercer Island, who I adore, that it's beginning to be too much stress for me. I'm doing the best I can.
I keep telling myself that. I'm doing the best I can.

The tolerator

That's what one of the nurses called me yesterday, because I've tolerated the taxol/herceptin so well. Sounds like a new super hero name. But I'm not a super hero, contrary to popular opinion.

I just met with Dr. Kaplan. Next week I start the new stuff, A/C, and it will be every other week, which is called dense dosing. It used to be they did it every three weeks, but Dr. Kaplan said it works better this way, and they seem to think I can handle it.

This means, unless he decides to go for two more treatments just in case the tumor isn't as shrunk as he'd like it to be, I'll be done with chemo August 12. Unbelievable. It's gone so fast, yet it seems like a hundred years ago since my diagnosis.

I was so worried about ending my chemo, for fear I'd never see Dr. Kaplan again. I trust him and love him so much. A respectful love, not romantic mind you. But he reassured me we're not "over."

He told me he is my "point man." Even after the lumpectomy, which will be done by Dr. Beatty, and radiation, Dr. Kaplan will be my doctor for a long time. He said until Feb. 3, 2022. I said "what?" Well, that's when he turns 75 and plans to retire. I told him I plan to retire before he does!

So I feel much better knowing he won't abandon me.

I've been very tired this week and fairly emotional. Anxiety gets to me. I miss Taylor so much, too. He's still in Texas, but he'll be back in Idaho by August and he says he will come see me. There's nothing like a hug from my boy to make me feel better.

I'm looking forward to next Wednesday evening, as I have tickets to a sold out Lucinda Williams concert. You either love her or hate her, and I adore her. Many of her songs are sad and lonely, but lovely nonetheless. Her new CD "Blessed," however, is very positive. She's a wonderful songwriter and cool chick. Can't wait.

Not much new on the big C front

I am in chemo right now as I was last week when I last posted here. Pretty uneventful week, just work and take my pills and sleep. Although yesterday was rough.

They have to give me these shots (neupogen) to keep my white blood count up. I've been getting them twice a week without too much problem. The one side effect is you can get a lot of aches and pain in your joints. I've had a little bit of it before, but it was almost debilitating yesterday. I hurt all over. It was a real bummer. I was in bed by 8:40.

Dr. Kaplan said we'll only do one shot next week, on Thursday, the day before my last Taxol/herceptin infusion.

We talked about what to expect when I switch to A/C, (stronger drugs) July 1. Everyone is different, but he said I might experience more fatigue (great), and nausea. I haven't thrown up once on the Taxol, or needed the anti-nausea drugs, thank God. A/C will be every other week, so I will be done with chemo by the end of August, pretty much on schedule. I just hope I don't spend the rest of the summer hugging the big white bowl. I don't know. He thinks I'll endure it pretty good since I've done so well so far. This whole thing seems to have gone by so fast. It seems like I was just diagnosed - but that was in January. What a way to spend a year.

Making medical history

Yesterday I had my follow up with the surgeon (Dr. Florence) who took my appendix out. He looked at all three little incision spots (his handiwork) and said everything looked good. I can get back to doing some core exercises now although I am still pretty tender down there, which he said is totally normal.

So, I'm in my chemo treatment right now....in my last blog entry I said I only had two treatments left of the Taxol/Herceptin, but actually I have two more after this. June 28 I will have the breast MRI and mugascan before beginning phase II of chemo.

So, here's what's funny. I'm getting off the elevator on the treatment floor and I ran into Dr. Beatty, who is the surgeon who put my port in and who will perform the lumpectomy this fall. He gave me a hug, and I asked him if he heard the latest (about the appendectomy). He said he heard about it, but didn't realize it was me, and OMG, they discussed me in one of their big surgeons meetings where they do whatever it is surgeons do, you know, having a pow-wow on all their amazing cases. He said it sounded like a real mother of an appendectomy (he didn't say mother, but it was inferred). What I have learned now from talking to Dr. Florence, Dr. Kaplan and Dr. Beatty, is that I had chronic appendicitis, not acute which is what most people get (where your appendix just decides to blow). Mine was a slow build up, with the blockage, and it was attached to my colon which is not supposed to happen! So I have a whole new respect for Dr. Florence, who I thought was kind of a douche bag because he has no personality, however, he worked on me twice as long as normal to get it out laproscopically so he wouldn't have to make the big cut and risk infection.

So, I was the talk of the surgeon's pow-wow, and again I am convinced I'm in the hands of rock stars.

Speaking of which, if you follow me on Face Book you will know I was at the U2 concert last Saturday night. It was indeed a beautiful day, the best so far this spring, with Lenny Kravitz kicking off the show. The stage (the claw) was phenomenal; basically an enormous space ship inside Qwest Field.

However, in my weakened state, it took me days to recover. Getting to bed at 1 a.m. doesn't work for me anymore. I layed down Sunday afternoon and I was so tired I couldn't even sleep. Then I got up, ate, got ready for bed and slept for probably 9 hours, and I was still exhausted.

I no longer can party like a rock star, which is distressing for me.

Anyway, I'm okay today, but it's been a tough week. I had to work late Tuesday night and last night, which doesn't help.

I hope to get more rest this weekend. Oh, and my hair is falling out even more. It's getting pretty thin, so I suspect it won't be long until it's all gone.

Back in the chemo saddle

I didn't have chemo last week due to the whole appendix fiasco, but I was back in the chair yesterday. My blood is fine; they even checked my iron this time because I was a bit anemic. I just realized I only have two more treatments on the taxol/herceptin, then they will do another breast MRI and a mugascan (checks my heart).

Then, I head into four treatments of the heavier stuff - every other week. It's called A/C (adriamycin and cytoxan).

After that I gear up for my lumpectomy. Oh yay, another surgery! When they wheeled me in for my appendectomy, I felt like an old hat this time. I was petrified when I had the port put in - this time I was yukking it up with the nurses and anesthesiologist; next thing I know I'm in post-op and don't know why I'm there! Some drugs.

Speaking of which, I got some medical herbs today if you get what I mean. Nice. And just in time for the U2 concert tonight. Yeah, this old lady will never change. And I'm not calling myself old, but let's just say I've lived some life so far.

Bump in the road

This is unbelievable. Last night I had the worse headache, along with lower abdominal pain. Pain to the point of waking up with it this morning. I called Dr. Kaplan, and he said, now don't be alarmed, but I want you to go to the ER.

I have appendicitis! I just can't believe this. Back in February when I had my first CT scan, they did tell me I had a little phelgmon (I don't know if I just spelled that right, and spell check didn't catch it) but anyway, it's a blockage of fecal matter in the appendix. No biggie, we'll keep an eye on it they said. I forgot about it.

It's back and it's bigger and hurts. But not to the point of my appendix bursting and me going septic. So, I'm here, in the hospital, getting antibiotics by IV. I have to stay overnight, and if the pain goes away, we'll just treat this with antibiotics until I'm done with chemo, which is until about the end of August, then they will have to take the appendix out. They could take it out now, but it'd be risky if there were complications as it would slow down my cancer treatment and there would be risk of infection.

Great, lumpectomy and appendictomy to look forward to in the fall.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm being punished for being such a brat as a teenager. God only knows.

Right now the worse thing is, I'm starving, and I can't have any solid food. I'd kill for a sandwich.

Other than that, I'm still tired and am beginning to realize I can't do it all anymore. A nurse just came in though, and was surprised that I was a patient - she thought I was a visitor. I guess it was the lipstick.