I'm tired. In fact when I get done here, I have to go lay down. My skin isn't burned, but the feeling of tightness is definitely exacerbated. Imagine how the skin of a drum is stretched over the frame. That's how my left side feels. I've had 12 sessions now, with 18 to go.
I did go skiing on New Year's Day, and it was lovely. My goal was six runs and I did it. It was a pretty mellow intermediate run, but it felt good to be out in the fresh air, listening to tunes through my iPhone and tuning out the world. I do feel stronger still, but this radiation is a drag on my energy.
When I get tired like this, I get weepy, too. I don't want to be depressed; I've got too much to do this year to improve my life. I'm sort of overwhelmed with my list of goals, but I just need to take it one day at a time. I am determined to make this a year of healing, hope and progress.
It doesn't help my fatigue levels either that as soon as the New Year began, work went nuts. Both my education beat on Mercer Island, and city hall business in Sammamish are just crazy. I've got three night meetings next week. I told Mary, my editor, I will no doubt have to come home and rest in the afternoon if I'm going to cover all of this. Don't get me wrong - I want to. I love my job, and the school situation on the island is really a biggie - they're going to float a big-ass bond in April. I have so much fun with all of that. I know, I'm a school board nerd!
I have my first real ukulele lesson later this afternoon! I'm very excited. I'm having a hard time with positioning my hands, so I really do need help. I'm also having a pedicure for my "be good to me" moment!
Happy New Year to all my faithful readers. You are all treasured.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Radiation going fine
I've had nine treatments now, and I am beginning to feel a bit fatigued, but not nearly as bad as it was with the second round of chemo. It's fast, and the technicians are wonderful. I go in the morning before work. I saw Dr. Kaplan this past week for the first time in about 5 weeks, and I told him I quit taking the Lapatinib, and he was okay with it. It's not life and death that I take it. It is an awful pill, and I just don't want to feel chemo-ish again. The radiation and Herceptin are good enough insurance that I don't get the cancer back. It was so good to see him. I was so used to seeing him every single week. He's still my main doc, and I feel safe with him, as well as hopeful.
Christmas with Taylor was very nice; not too much drama, thank God. I love him so much. I worry about him every single day and probably always will. No matter how old they get, you can't stop being mom. We had a lovely dinner out Christmas Eve, then I cooked a free-range turkey on Christmas. I didn't gain any weight over the holidays or the trip, and I hope to lose 10 pounds sooner than later. One of many goals for 2012, which I pray to the good Lord is a better year for me. I've had enough, right?
I had a very weird experience last night, which still has me upset. Well, actually the weirdness started when I had a terrible nightmare Thursday night, well actually Friday morning just before I woke up. I dreamt I'd been abducted and raped by these horrible people who were very dark beings. I was all cut up and bleeding. It was horrible. I shook it off, went to radiation and to work.
So, after work, I went to a champagne tasting at the nice little wine shop, Bin 41, in West Seattle, which was fine. It was early, so I decided to get something to eat, since I've been eating turkey all week! I went to a very casual yet nice little place called West 5 because they make good fish tacos. It was still happy hour, so it was packed, but there was one space at the bar, so I took it. To my right was this guy, I gathered was named Scott because the bartender knew him by name.
So, he says to me, "why are you so cautious?" I didn't realize I was acting cautious, but this immediately put me on guard. He asked me what my malady was. I looked at him and asked him what made him think I had a malady. He said he sensed it. So I told him I was a recent cancer survivor, still in treatment. Turns out he was a liver cancer survivor. Okay, good. But it got increasingly weird and uncomfortable. Apparently he is a regular there, but they said he's not usually like that....dropping the f-bomb a lot, and telling me that most human beings are expendable, that the world is in an awful place, and I wasn't voting for that fucking Obama was I? The bartender told him to please not discuss politics or religion, which I appreciated. Then he starts in on Roman Catholics, and I told him to stop, as I have good friends who are Catholic. He shut up while I ate, but I was so uncomfortable. Then he starts back in, eventually telling me I would most likely die before him. At that point the manager asked me if I was okay, and I said no. They ran him off finally, and comped my drink. I was totally unnerved, waiting until I was sure he was long gone, and beelining it for my car, locking as soon as I got in. They said he's "a little off" - you think? and that he'd had too much to drink. Nonetheless, that's the first time I've ever felt threatened since I moved here. I came home and fell apart, especially when I drove up to the house and there were two raccoons staring at me. I just looked at them like, fuck off, and they ran. The whole thing was a nightmare. A fitting end to a scary year I guess.
I have no big plans for tonight, just a movie. I want to go skiing half day tomorrow. I haven't gone yet this year for lack of snow and time. I think I'm strong enough. I've been to Pilates six times now with my new teacher, and I feel stronger already. She's fabulous.
Everyone be safe tonight, and stay away from weirdos who tell you that you're going to die! That son-of-a-bitch has no idea who I am.
Christmas with Taylor was very nice; not too much drama, thank God. I love him so much. I worry about him every single day and probably always will. No matter how old they get, you can't stop being mom. We had a lovely dinner out Christmas Eve, then I cooked a free-range turkey on Christmas. I didn't gain any weight over the holidays or the trip, and I hope to lose 10 pounds sooner than later. One of many goals for 2012, which I pray to the good Lord is a better year for me. I've had enough, right?
I had a very weird experience last night, which still has me upset. Well, actually the weirdness started when I had a terrible nightmare Thursday night, well actually Friday morning just before I woke up. I dreamt I'd been abducted and raped by these horrible people who were very dark beings. I was all cut up and bleeding. It was horrible. I shook it off, went to radiation and to work.
So, after work, I went to a champagne tasting at the nice little wine shop, Bin 41, in West Seattle, which was fine. It was early, so I decided to get something to eat, since I've been eating turkey all week! I went to a very casual yet nice little place called West 5 because they make good fish tacos. It was still happy hour, so it was packed, but there was one space at the bar, so I took it. To my right was this guy, I gathered was named Scott because the bartender knew him by name.
So, he says to me, "why are you so cautious?" I didn't realize I was acting cautious, but this immediately put me on guard. He asked me what my malady was. I looked at him and asked him what made him think I had a malady. He said he sensed it. So I told him I was a recent cancer survivor, still in treatment. Turns out he was a liver cancer survivor. Okay, good. But it got increasingly weird and uncomfortable. Apparently he is a regular there, but they said he's not usually like that....dropping the f-bomb a lot, and telling me that most human beings are expendable, that the world is in an awful place, and I wasn't voting for that fucking Obama was I? The bartender told him to please not discuss politics or religion, which I appreciated. Then he starts in on Roman Catholics, and I told him to stop, as I have good friends who are Catholic. He shut up while I ate, but I was so uncomfortable. Then he starts back in, eventually telling me I would most likely die before him. At that point the manager asked me if I was okay, and I said no. They ran him off finally, and comped my drink. I was totally unnerved, waiting until I was sure he was long gone, and beelining it for my car, locking as soon as I got in. They said he's "a little off" - you think? and that he'd had too much to drink. Nonetheless, that's the first time I've ever felt threatened since I moved here. I came home and fell apart, especially when I drove up to the house and there were two raccoons staring at me. I just looked at them like, fuck off, and they ran. The whole thing was a nightmare. A fitting end to a scary year I guess.
I have no big plans for tonight, just a movie. I want to go skiing half day tomorrow. I haven't gone yet this year for lack of snow and time. I think I'm strong enough. I've been to Pilates six times now with my new teacher, and I feel stronger already. She's fabulous.
Everyone be safe tonight, and stay away from weirdos who tell you that you're going to die! That son-of-a-bitch has no idea who I am.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Radiation starts tomorrow
I'm back from Kauai, and hit the ground running. I had to get all caught up on mail, laundry, and get a tree up, which I accomplished yesterday. It's darling; smaller than usual because I just didn't want to fight with a big tree, but it's about four feet, a very full and symmetrical Noble Spruce. I like it.
The trip was too short. Geez, for a small island there's a lot to see! The helicopter tour the first day was money well spent. We got an overview of the entire island, which included the stunning Napali Coast, which you really can't see like that other than from a boat. We had such a good pilot. It was a little windy, but we never bounced around at all. We flew up Waimea Canyon (the Grand Canyon of the Pacific) up the Napali Coast, very close to a volcano crater - everywhere. It was spectacular, and we never would have made it all by car or foot in five days.
I really scored on the condo. It was a Living Social deal; we were supposed to have a two-bedroom, two-bath partial ocean view. Well, it was three-bedrooms, three-baths, corner unit with a wrap-around deck, top floor, full on ocean view. They are really new, and very luxuriously appointed with nice furniture, granite counter tops everywhere, A/C, flat screen TVs in each bedroom and the living room, full laundry, AND we had housekeeping service. My bedroom (I took the master suite) had a bath of my dreams. Huge tub, huge walk-in shower, two separate vanities, walk-in closet, and a safe. I loved it. It's called Koloa Landing at Poipu Beach and it is a Wyndham Resort. They are for sale, too, but holy crap, the two-bedrooms start at $925,000 and the condo dues - brace yourself - are $1,400 a month! Geez, that's more than I pay in rent! But I got this palace for $220 a night and Col and I split it. At least I had five days living in the lap of luxury!
The other high point was my kayak/hike adventure. Because of my weak left side I was worried when I started to paddle, but actually it got better, and I am much stronger now, and feel more mobility coming back. It was 2.5 miles each way, then a mile hike to "Secret Falls." The hike actually was the painful part! The trail was very slippery and muddy from the rains, so I had to tread very carefully. In addition, there were roots everywhere to navigate around. Once we got to the falls, they were spectacular. By the time we hiked back to the kayaks, it was clear my right knee was hurting. It still hurts a little, but I went to Pilates yesterday morning and did some stuff that helped. But, I didn't fall in the mud! However, my shoes and legs were covered in mud. For those who think I never get dirty, you would have been so proud! I was happy I challenged myself and I made it.
So, we ate, drank, shopped, chilled by the pool and went to the beach one day. The weather was sort of on and off, but it was fine. Just to be somewhere else was great. And to be with my dear friend, Colleen. We had great fun the first night with Linell. She made the flight over a real treat, too. She was working first class, but would slip back to coach, bringing us champagne, then mai-tai's! We also got our food free. Thanks Nellie!
Anyway, back to reality; radiation starts tomorrow. I'm sort of nervous, but I know it won't be as bad as chemo. It's just going to be a pain in the ass because I have to go everyday. After that, it will just be the Herceptin every three weeks until September 2012. And of course, reconstruction next summer sometime.
I still worry about the cancer coming back. I guess this is normal. The death of my friend in my support group has me thinking more about death, too. I know I'll die one day, but I'm not ready yet.
In keeping the spirit of moving forward and learning new things, I forgot to mention, I bought a ukulele in Kauai! I've been thinking about this for awhile, and I thought, what better place to get one. I got it at a little place called Kamoa Ukuleles in old Koloa town. The owner designs all of them himself, but the demand has been so great, he's having them made on the mainland now. His mom, Gigi, waited on me, and she was wonderful! They are shipping it, so I don't have it yet, but it's what they call a pineapple shape, made of mahogany. It's a starter uke, not terribly expensive, but I'm so excited! I think I can do this! I learned a few chords just standing there with Gigi. I'm having my nails done tomorrow after work, and they are going to have to be cut shorter for this to work. But it's okay. That is one of my goals for 2012 - learn to play the uke, get well, and a few other gems.
Merry Christmas!
The trip was too short. Geez, for a small island there's a lot to see! The helicopter tour the first day was money well spent. We got an overview of the entire island, which included the stunning Napali Coast, which you really can't see like that other than from a boat. We had such a good pilot. It was a little windy, but we never bounced around at all. We flew up Waimea Canyon (the Grand Canyon of the Pacific) up the Napali Coast, very close to a volcano crater - everywhere. It was spectacular, and we never would have made it all by car or foot in five days.
I really scored on the condo. It was a Living Social deal; we were supposed to have a two-bedroom, two-bath partial ocean view. Well, it was three-bedrooms, three-baths, corner unit with a wrap-around deck, top floor, full on ocean view. They are really new, and very luxuriously appointed with nice furniture, granite counter tops everywhere, A/C, flat screen TVs in each bedroom and the living room, full laundry, AND we had housekeeping service. My bedroom (I took the master suite) had a bath of my dreams. Huge tub, huge walk-in shower, two separate vanities, walk-in closet, and a safe. I loved it. It's called Koloa Landing at Poipu Beach and it is a Wyndham Resort. They are for sale, too, but holy crap, the two-bedrooms start at $925,000 and the condo dues - brace yourself - are $1,400 a month! Geez, that's more than I pay in rent! But I got this palace for $220 a night and Col and I split it. At least I had five days living in the lap of luxury!
The other high point was my kayak/hike adventure. Because of my weak left side I was worried when I started to paddle, but actually it got better, and I am much stronger now, and feel more mobility coming back. It was 2.5 miles each way, then a mile hike to "Secret Falls." The hike actually was the painful part! The trail was very slippery and muddy from the rains, so I had to tread very carefully. In addition, there were roots everywhere to navigate around. Once we got to the falls, they were spectacular. By the time we hiked back to the kayaks, it was clear my right knee was hurting. It still hurts a little, but I went to Pilates yesterday morning and did some stuff that helped. But, I didn't fall in the mud! However, my shoes and legs were covered in mud. For those who think I never get dirty, you would have been so proud! I was happy I challenged myself and I made it.
So, we ate, drank, shopped, chilled by the pool and went to the beach one day. The weather was sort of on and off, but it was fine. Just to be somewhere else was great. And to be with my dear friend, Colleen. We had great fun the first night with Linell. She made the flight over a real treat, too. She was working first class, but would slip back to coach, bringing us champagne, then mai-tai's! We also got our food free. Thanks Nellie!
Anyway, back to reality; radiation starts tomorrow. I'm sort of nervous, but I know it won't be as bad as chemo. It's just going to be a pain in the ass because I have to go everyday. After that, it will just be the Herceptin every three weeks until September 2012. And of course, reconstruction next summer sometime.
I still worry about the cancer coming back. I guess this is normal. The death of my friend in my support group has me thinking more about death, too. I know I'll die one day, but I'm not ready yet.
In keeping the spirit of moving forward and learning new things, I forgot to mention, I bought a ukulele in Kauai! I've been thinking about this for awhile, and I thought, what better place to get one. I got it at a little place called Kamoa Ukuleles in old Koloa town. The owner designs all of them himself, but the demand has been so great, he's having them made on the mainland now. His mom, Gigi, waited on me, and she was wonderful! They are shipping it, so I don't have it yet, but it's what they call a pineapple shape, made of mahogany. It's a starter uke, not terribly expensive, but I'm so excited! I think I can do this! I learned a few chords just standing there with Gigi. I'm having my nails done tomorrow after work, and they are going to have to be cut shorter for this to work. But it's okay. That is one of my goals for 2012 - learn to play the uke, get well, and a few other gems.
Merry Christmas!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Trying to pace myself
Thanksgiving came and went, and I've been going full tilt at Christmas stuff, but I had to slow it down a bit today because I felt like I was coming down with a cold yesterday. I do feel better. I just got back from the movie "The Descendants," and it is breathtaking. It's sad, and funny. It really got me excited though about Kauai, because part of it was filmed there, and I'll be there in a week! I can't even believe it. It's been so long since I've seen a warm, sunny beach.
I need this break. It's been a rough couple of weeks in a way. Dr. Kaplan put me on Lapatinib, a pill that works in concert with my Herceptin infusions to keep the cancer from coming back. I couldn't take them. I stopped. I see him Wednesday before I have Herceptin, and I am sure he won't be pleased that I quit taking them, but the side effects were too unpleasant. They were making me feel bad about myself again. I start radiation Dec. 19, which will be every damn day until Feb. 1, and if that's not enough "insurance" with the Herceptin, well, I don't know. I just don't like the pills. When I don't feel good, I look in the mirror and hate what I see, and I just can't do that to myself anymore.
Tuesday I received an e-mail with news on one of the members of my support group. It wasn't good. She was in the hospital, and her husband didn't think she'd be coming home as they had her on palliative care. She died Wednesday at 4 p.m. I am still so upset by this. She's 15 years younger than me, with two little kids. She had stage 4 breast cancer, which had metastasized to her liver. They removed the part of her liver that had cancer, and she seemed to be doing okay the last time I saw her. I feel awful because that was over a month ago. I hadn't been making it to group either because of work, or just too tired right after my surgery. But the last time I saw her, she gave me a hug. I am so confused. I don't understand how God could take a young woman with two children and a husband, and not me instead. These are things I don't understand. I will be at group Tuesday night, and I'm sure we'll all cry our eyes out. I already have over her, and those kids. I mean, how do you tell a 3-year-old that mommy's dead?
I soldier on. My Christmas shopping is done, I have my outdoor lights up and some decorations inside. I will put up a small tree when I return from Hawaii. I don't have it in me to put up the big mother. But my Taylor is coming for Christmas, so I will put a tree up of some sort. He's still my baby, and I can't wait to see him. I will only have had one week of radiation by Christmas, so maybe I'll be able to ski with him.
I am getting stronger every day, and we plan to kayak the Wailua River one day in Kauai. I need some upper body movement. I did start back at Pilates, and am easing into it. We've also got a helicopter tour booked, to fly over the whole island, specifically the Napali Coast and the Waimea Canyon. I don't have enough strength yet, or time, to hike to these mothers. But we'll do some shorter hikes.
So, if you're a Facebook friend, too, I'll post photos from Kauai, since I finally stepped into the 21st century and got an iPhone. I'm getting the hang of it; I'm not exactly a tech queen!
And, I promise, to just relax and enjoy warmth, sun, and peace.
I need this break. It's been a rough couple of weeks in a way. Dr. Kaplan put me on Lapatinib, a pill that works in concert with my Herceptin infusions to keep the cancer from coming back. I couldn't take them. I stopped. I see him Wednesday before I have Herceptin, and I am sure he won't be pleased that I quit taking them, but the side effects were too unpleasant. They were making me feel bad about myself again. I start radiation Dec. 19, which will be every damn day until Feb. 1, and if that's not enough "insurance" with the Herceptin, well, I don't know. I just don't like the pills. When I don't feel good, I look in the mirror and hate what I see, and I just can't do that to myself anymore.
Tuesday I received an e-mail with news on one of the members of my support group. It wasn't good. She was in the hospital, and her husband didn't think she'd be coming home as they had her on palliative care. She died Wednesday at 4 p.m. I am still so upset by this. She's 15 years younger than me, with two little kids. She had stage 4 breast cancer, which had metastasized to her liver. They removed the part of her liver that had cancer, and she seemed to be doing okay the last time I saw her. I feel awful because that was over a month ago. I hadn't been making it to group either because of work, or just too tired right after my surgery. But the last time I saw her, she gave me a hug. I am so confused. I don't understand how God could take a young woman with two children and a husband, and not me instead. These are things I don't understand. I will be at group Tuesday night, and I'm sure we'll all cry our eyes out. I already have over her, and those kids. I mean, how do you tell a 3-year-old that mommy's dead?
I soldier on. My Christmas shopping is done, I have my outdoor lights up and some decorations inside. I will put up a small tree when I return from Hawaii. I don't have it in me to put up the big mother. But my Taylor is coming for Christmas, so I will put a tree up of some sort. He's still my baby, and I can't wait to see him. I will only have had one week of radiation by Christmas, so maybe I'll be able to ski with him.
I am getting stronger every day, and we plan to kayak the Wailua River one day in Kauai. I need some upper body movement. I did start back at Pilates, and am easing into it. We've also got a helicopter tour booked, to fly over the whole island, specifically the Napali Coast and the Waimea Canyon. I don't have enough strength yet, or time, to hike to these mothers. But we'll do some shorter hikes.
So, if you're a Facebook friend, too, I'll post photos from Kauai, since I finally stepped into the 21st century and got an iPhone. I'm getting the hang of it; I'm not exactly a tech queen!
And, I promise, to just relax and enjoy warmth, sun, and peace.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Three weeks until Hawaii!
I can't believe how time is flying! I have been tackling Christmas shopping with a vengeance, because I want it done before I leave on the trip. I can't believe Thursday is Thanksgiving already.
My sister, Cheryle, and her husband, Jerry, are coming down from Alaska for Thanksgiving. They are staying at Jerry's sister's house in Shelton, but we're all getting together at their daughter's home in Olympia for dinner. I'm picking up Jim, in Tacoma, on the way. It's been years since I've had a holiday with Cheryle, so I look forward to it.
I am getting stronger everyday. Tomorrow I have to go back in for a breathing exercise at Swedish, called ABC, to continue planning my radiation. Since it's my left side, of course they don't want my heart zapped, so this method involves a breathing technique that gets your heart farther away from the beams, and they tell me I'm a good candidate for it. I have Herceptin Tuesday, which is no biggie anymore. How far I've come tolerating all of this!
I was supposed to have a massage yesterday, but my massage therapist, Naomi, was sick, and I sure as hell don't want to catch anything. So next weekend, I have a pedicure, waxing and a massage all in preparation for Hawaii!
I also did get the swim form for my swimsuit, and I'm picking up my bathing suit top and one sundress I have with a shelf bra in it today, that Nordstrom sewed pockets into for my forms. No one will know. I'm so grateful.
I also got a wide-brimmed hat with SPF 50 properties so I don't burn my head. I do have a pretty good crop of fuzz now, with no scalp showing, but I don't want to take a chance. Interestingly enough, my hair looks really dark! Lord only knows what it's going to look like in a year or so.
If you follow me on Facebook, too, you will know that my dear friend Erica came to visit last weekend, with her adorable daughter, Quinn, who will be two in March. Oh, we had such a good time, and that baby was so good for my heart. Erica was, too. She gives good hugs, and I've needed that.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone. I am thankful to be cancer free this Thanksgiving. How about you?
My sister, Cheryle, and her husband, Jerry, are coming down from Alaska for Thanksgiving. They are staying at Jerry's sister's house in Shelton, but we're all getting together at their daughter's home in Olympia for dinner. I'm picking up Jim, in Tacoma, on the way. It's been years since I've had a holiday with Cheryle, so I look forward to it.
I am getting stronger everyday. Tomorrow I have to go back in for a breathing exercise at Swedish, called ABC, to continue planning my radiation. Since it's my left side, of course they don't want my heart zapped, so this method involves a breathing technique that gets your heart farther away from the beams, and they tell me I'm a good candidate for it. I have Herceptin Tuesday, which is no biggie anymore. How far I've come tolerating all of this!
I was supposed to have a massage yesterday, but my massage therapist, Naomi, was sick, and I sure as hell don't want to catch anything. So next weekend, I have a pedicure, waxing and a massage all in preparation for Hawaii!
I also did get the swim form for my swimsuit, and I'm picking up my bathing suit top and one sundress I have with a shelf bra in it today, that Nordstrom sewed pockets into for my forms. No one will know. I'm so grateful.
I also got a wide-brimmed hat with SPF 50 properties so I don't burn my head. I do have a pretty good crop of fuzz now, with no scalp showing, but I don't want to take a chance. Interestingly enough, my hair looks really dark! Lord only knows what it's going to look like in a year or so.
If you follow me on Facebook, too, you will know that my dear friend Erica came to visit last weekend, with her adorable daughter, Quinn, who will be two in March. Oh, we had such a good time, and that baby was so good for my heart. Erica was, too. She gives good hugs, and I've needed that.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone. I am thankful to be cancer free this Thanksgiving. How about you?
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The pressure is off
This was a very good day. After having a three-dimensional CT, to determine where the radiation "beams" will be directed at me, I had a wonderful meeting with the head social worker at Swedish about the insurance problem.
I can't believe this. I'm off the hook! She had already spoken to the director of corporate compliance, and the director of the financial counseling department, and they said no way am I to be responsible for the $138,000-plus for chemo; that I'm not obligated to pay any of it!
We had to go through the formality of a letter, and a financial questionnaire, plus a copy of last year's tax return, but I didn't have to disclose any value on my investments.
Based on my earnings from my job, I actually have made so little money due to the reduced hours I've had because of all my time spent having all that fun in the Cancer Center and the hospital, I would be considered a hardship, and it's possible I won't have to pay anything else.
We'll see on that one. But this social worker, Sandy, was an absolute angel. She said she had been on vacation, got back, heard about my case from Dr. Dobie (my shrink) and she was totally ready to take this on!!
So, here's what will happen. Swedish will first go after First Choice, but if they won't pay (I assume after a legal battle) Swedish absorbs it. Swedish is sort of to blame, because they didn't check my insurance benefits to ascertain whether my chemo would be covered once I was in the study, but, still, their attorney said Federal law states they can't deny insurance for research study approved by the National Cancer Institute, which my study was.
At any rate, I'm off the study, and off the hook for the big bucks, and I feel so much better!
It's one thing dealing with the disease and all the trouble that comes with it, and another thing dealing with the possibility of never retiring, or worse yet, ending up living in my car.
More happy news. I was fitted for a form, or prosthetic, yesterday by a lovely, compassionate woman name Shannon at the downtown Nordstrom. My God, they whisk you into a huge dressing room, and bring everything to you. She knew what the hell she was doing, as they are specially trained, and it looks pretty damn good. It's like a soft, gel type thing, and it slides into a special little pocket in the bras. I got two really pretty bras. So, now I can wear my fitted clothes again, and look like a girl!
I told Shannon about Hawaii, and they actually have a water form, so I am going to have them sew a pocket into my swimsuit top and get the water form! Problem solved. She also said they can sew pockets into my sundresses that have shelf bras. Another angel, that girl.
Oh, also, with Nordstrom, they bill insurance for the bras and stuff, because it is a prosthesis. No money came out of my pocket, however the assholes (as I like to call First Choice) might deny the water form.
Also, I'm clear for Lapatinib, which they were hassling me about, too.
I won!
I can't believe this. I'm off the hook! She had already spoken to the director of corporate compliance, and the director of the financial counseling department, and they said no way am I to be responsible for the $138,000-plus for chemo; that I'm not obligated to pay any of it!
We had to go through the formality of a letter, and a financial questionnaire, plus a copy of last year's tax return, but I didn't have to disclose any value on my investments.
Based on my earnings from my job, I actually have made so little money due to the reduced hours I've had because of all my time spent having all that fun in the Cancer Center and the hospital, I would be considered a hardship, and it's possible I won't have to pay anything else.
We'll see on that one. But this social worker, Sandy, was an absolute angel. She said she had been on vacation, got back, heard about my case from Dr. Dobie (my shrink) and she was totally ready to take this on!!
So, here's what will happen. Swedish will first go after First Choice, but if they won't pay (I assume after a legal battle) Swedish absorbs it. Swedish is sort of to blame, because they didn't check my insurance benefits to ascertain whether my chemo would be covered once I was in the study, but, still, their attorney said Federal law states they can't deny insurance for research study approved by the National Cancer Institute, which my study was.
At any rate, I'm off the study, and off the hook for the big bucks, and I feel so much better!
It's one thing dealing with the disease and all the trouble that comes with it, and another thing dealing with the possibility of never retiring, or worse yet, ending up living in my car.
More happy news. I was fitted for a form, or prosthetic, yesterday by a lovely, compassionate woman name Shannon at the downtown Nordstrom. My God, they whisk you into a huge dressing room, and bring everything to you. She knew what the hell she was doing, as they are specially trained, and it looks pretty damn good. It's like a soft, gel type thing, and it slides into a special little pocket in the bras. I got two really pretty bras. So, now I can wear my fitted clothes again, and look like a girl!
I told Shannon about Hawaii, and they actually have a water form, so I am going to have them sew a pocket into my swimsuit top and get the water form! Problem solved. She also said they can sew pockets into my sundresses that have shelf bras. Another angel, that girl.
Oh, also, with Nordstrom, they bill insurance for the bras and stuff, because it is a prosthesis. No money came out of my pocket, however the assholes (as I like to call First Choice) might deny the water form.
Also, I'm clear for Lapatinib, which they were hassling me about, too.
I won!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Where has time gone?
How can it be November already? Today was a beautiful fall day, with lots of sunshine and beautiful colors, but it's cold! How could I have lived in Alaska 38 years? But I did, and still love it up there; in the summer!
I'm listening to the brand new Florence and the Machine CD, "Ceremonials." God I love her. Her voice is ethereal. This is the second CD from Florence. She is a fabulous Welch red head - and guess what? I'm a quarter Welsh, and I was a redhead (my hair is coming back very dark). That must explain why I so love the royals, and Florence! So, she is performing Dec. 8 at the Wa-Mu theater on a triple bill with singer/songwriter Matt Kearney, then Seattle's own "The Head and the Heart," who are fabulous, then Florence is headlining. And guess who is in row 13, dead center in seat one! ME! YAY!!!
That's just two nights before I leave for my little Hawaii trip. Then I'll get back and it will be Christmas almost. So, that's what I mean.......where does time go?
Today was productive. That extra hour (going off Daylight Savings) is always such a God send. The doctors, of course, keep telling me to take it easy, but it's hard for me as everyone who really knows me, knows. But I was pretty good to myself this weekend.
Good news though; I got that damn drain out of me Friday. I was still putting out more fluid than they wanted me to, but I basically demanded they take it out. It hurt. And it had been in three weeks and two days, and I'd had it with the fucker. I hate artificial crap in my body. I'm stuck with the port for at least another year, so that's bad enough.
One of Dr. Beatty's main nurses, Chris, took it out. It felt weird. She was very nice, but also very stern and sort of a negative Nellie. She wasn't happy with my decision to take it out early, because if my chest cavity started to fill up with goop, I'd have to come in and have Dr. Beatty drain it with a needle, maybe every two days she said. Then, she says, if that doesn't work, they might even have to put in another drain. Meantime, Dr. Beatty is saying, well, none of that might happen.
Well guess what??? I haven't had to call him all weekend. I am not filling up with fluid. I win!! I'm still sore and sort of feel like an elephant is sitting on the left side of my chest, but I'm healing well, and God willing, will be able to be fitted for a prosthetic in a week! Yay again! I even can get a swimsuit for Hawaii with a fake booby!
The downer of the week was having Herceptin Tuesday. The Herceptin isn't the problem. For the first time ever, the oncology nurses were having a hell of time accessing my port. It was horrible. I basically got poked six times with needles; three lidocane shots and three attempts to access the port. I was in tears. It seems my port has moved a little - it's crooked, probably from my chest area being jerked around in surgery. But, that was awful to say the least.
Dr. Beatty is checking my wound again tomorrow, then Wednesday I have a CT to figure out where to aim the radiation.
I had a lovely late brunch today with one of my oldest friends, Linell. She's been so good to me. I've known her since the 7th grade. We went to this newer place in West Seattle called the "Tuscan Tearoom," and OMG, it was fabulous! It's very girly-girl, with white linens, China tea pots and cups, fabric on the walls....you get the picture. We had a pot of incredible Amaretto tea and then we both had Frangelico French Toast. I'm not kidding - died and gone to heaven good.
They do high tea and dinner, too, and they also have wine. I'll be back!! It was killer.
So back to time...I'm already worrying about Christmas. But, I bought three gifts today, and already had a couple from a few weeks ago. So, yes, I feel productive.
Next weekend I will get a much needed baby fix, as my dear friend Erica comes to see me, with her adorable, precious almost-two-year old baby girl, Quinn. I love that baby. I hope she'll warm to me and give me lots of love; I haven't seen her since April, so she may not have a clue who I am. I hope so. I'm proud to say I bought her her first purse, AND her first faux-fur coat!
My own baby is doing fine. He's had to go through a lot of physical tests in order to even get into Firefighter I next semester, but he's doing good. Healthy as a horse, my boy. Wish I was, too, but I'll get back to my old self one day. It's just going to take time.
I'm listening to the brand new Florence and the Machine CD, "Ceremonials." God I love her. Her voice is ethereal. This is the second CD from Florence. She is a fabulous Welch red head - and guess what? I'm a quarter Welsh, and I was a redhead (my hair is coming back very dark). That must explain why I so love the royals, and Florence! So, she is performing Dec. 8 at the Wa-Mu theater on a triple bill with singer/songwriter Matt Kearney, then Seattle's own "The Head and the Heart," who are fabulous, then Florence is headlining. And guess who is in row 13, dead center in seat one! ME! YAY!!!
That's just two nights before I leave for my little Hawaii trip. Then I'll get back and it will be Christmas almost. So, that's what I mean.......where does time go?
Today was productive. That extra hour (going off Daylight Savings) is always such a God send. The doctors, of course, keep telling me to take it easy, but it's hard for me as everyone who really knows me, knows. But I was pretty good to myself this weekend.
Good news though; I got that damn drain out of me Friday. I was still putting out more fluid than they wanted me to, but I basically demanded they take it out. It hurt. And it had been in three weeks and two days, and I'd had it with the fucker. I hate artificial crap in my body. I'm stuck with the port for at least another year, so that's bad enough.
One of Dr. Beatty's main nurses, Chris, took it out. It felt weird. She was very nice, but also very stern and sort of a negative Nellie. She wasn't happy with my decision to take it out early, because if my chest cavity started to fill up with goop, I'd have to come in and have Dr. Beatty drain it with a needle, maybe every two days she said. Then, she says, if that doesn't work, they might even have to put in another drain. Meantime, Dr. Beatty is saying, well, none of that might happen.
Well guess what??? I haven't had to call him all weekend. I am not filling up with fluid. I win!! I'm still sore and sort of feel like an elephant is sitting on the left side of my chest, but I'm healing well, and God willing, will be able to be fitted for a prosthetic in a week! Yay again! I even can get a swimsuit for Hawaii with a fake booby!
The downer of the week was having Herceptin Tuesday. The Herceptin isn't the problem. For the first time ever, the oncology nurses were having a hell of time accessing my port. It was horrible. I basically got poked six times with needles; three lidocane shots and three attempts to access the port. I was in tears. It seems my port has moved a little - it's crooked, probably from my chest area being jerked around in surgery. But, that was awful to say the least.
Dr. Beatty is checking my wound again tomorrow, then Wednesday I have a CT to figure out where to aim the radiation.
I had a lovely late brunch today with one of my oldest friends, Linell. She's been so good to me. I've known her since the 7th grade. We went to this newer place in West Seattle called the "Tuscan Tearoom," and OMG, it was fabulous! It's very girly-girl, with white linens, China tea pots and cups, fabric on the walls....you get the picture. We had a pot of incredible Amaretto tea and then we both had Frangelico French Toast. I'm not kidding - died and gone to heaven good.
They do high tea and dinner, too, and they also have wine. I'll be back!! It was killer.
So back to time...I'm already worrying about Christmas. But, I bought three gifts today, and already had a couple from a few weeks ago. So, yes, I feel productive.
Next weekend I will get a much needed baby fix, as my dear friend Erica comes to see me, with her adorable, precious almost-two-year old baby girl, Quinn. I love that baby. I hope she'll warm to me and give me lots of love; I haven't seen her since April, so she may not have a clue who I am. I hope so. I'm proud to say I bought her her first purse, AND her first faux-fur coat!
My own baby is doing fine. He's had to go through a lot of physical tests in order to even get into Firefighter I next semester, but he's doing good. Healthy as a horse, my boy. Wish I was, too, but I'll get back to my old self one day. It's just going to take time.
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