I love the weekends when I haven't just had chemo. This was an off week, thank God, because if I had to do this round every week - well, I don't think I could. It hit me pretty hard Monday - I stayed home all day and could barely function. But I made it to work the rest of the week, but still only got in 25 hours. Again, thank God for insurance, because these short hours mean short paychecks, too. And this fight in Washington D.C., which I'm following very closely, is making me very nervous. I don't want to end up an indigent old woman. My financial advisor tells me to stay the course, which I will, but those boneheads better reach an agreement before the deadline, or the sovereign U.S. as we know it will be in deep shit - i.e. double dip recession. My psychiatric oncologist tells me I worry too much about things I can't control, which is true, but I need to stop because it does affect my health. I'm trying.
So Tuesday night, I went back to my support group at Gilda's Club. I was standing at the corner waiting to cross Broadway to Gilda's, and this blond angel comes up beside me and says "I'm a one-year survivor." I looked at her, sort of shocked, and said "how did you know?"
She said she just could tell, and figured I was headed to Gilda's. She said, "It gets better, I want you to know that." She hugged me and I started to cry. We talked through another light and I asked her how old she was, because she didn't look very old. She's only 37, blond, pretty and she told me she just had her last reconstructive surgery, and sort of perked her boobs up. She gave me her business card and told me to e-mail or call anytime, and she'd be there for me. I have e-mailed her but haven't heard back, but I was blown away. An angel.
Then at group, the one same lady was there from last week, and she does indeed have a tumor on her liver now. It's not good. A fellow I hadn't met was there, and he has some sort of cancer in the bone marrow, that is not curable, but is treatable. So, he's on chemo (pills) the rest of his life. I hate this disease so much. But the group was good. We laughed, cried, and they were amazed by my encounter on the street.
So, get this. Some scumbag from hell, sawed all the copper pipes off the back of Gilda's Club, so now they have no heat or A/C. I asked Marti, our facilitator why someone would do that, and she said they sell the copper for drug money. Can you imagine? Doing that to a non-profit? It made the news, as they had a camp for kids with cancer there all week during the day, and they were sweltering, but still had fun. They need $10,000 to fix it. I plan to give what I can next time I'm there. It's just tragic.
By Thursday, one week since my last chemo, I began to feel human again. So, I'll have a good week this week until Friday when they hit me again. But then, I'll only have one left!
Taylor, my dear son, got back to Idaho in one piece last Sunday. He's going to the Gorge tonight to see Soundgarden. I'm so jealous. This will be the first summer since I moved to the "lower 48" in 1996 that I haven't gone to the Gorge. I just don't have the energy. It's a lot of work, with the traffic, accommodations, walking, etc. I told him I've heard rumors that one of the Pearl Jam guys might pop up on stage. Taylor's never understood my obsession with PJ, but I gave him the lecture that they've been together now for 20 years, so they've proven they are not just a flash in the pan grunge group, which seems funny to think now. He said one of his buddies that is going will freak if a PJ member shows up, because he loves them, too. Speaking of which....
When I saw Eddie Vedder at Benaroya Hall, I could not get my hands on one of these very cool posters by a local artist called Munk One, as they sold out. Well through the Internet and perseverance I got one! Turns out a guy who lives right here in West Seattle bought an extra one, so I paid him $60 for it - they were $35 at the show, but are going for much higher now on E-Bay. I'll try to find a link to it to post to FB. Anyway, when I went to the Alki Arts Fair last weekend, I found this fellow, Fred Madrid, who does custom matting and framing. I met him when I was first here in Seattle, through a little coffee group I got into which has since broke apart. I went to his studio Wednesday with the poster, and it's going to be flat out fantastic once it's matted and framed. He and his wife live off California Avenue, a main north/south in West Seattle. So, he asks me if I know who Chris Cornell is, and I say, yes, of course (lead singer for Soundgarden). Well, he used to live four houses down from Fred, and now his ex-wife lives there. Cornell's ex-wife is Susan Silver, who was a huge influence in the 90s music scene in Seattle. I think at one time she managed Alice in Chains. Anyway, so I asked Fred if he's ever run into Vedder, and he said he's seen him around.....he just lives off California a few blocks up he says. So, what I'm getting to, is that the house I've been driving people by when they come to visit, which I thought was Eddie's house - ISN'T! Shit! I feel like an ass now. There goes my Linda Ball West Seattle tour highlight!
I've decided to stay put in this apartment, which I've been in now for almost two years, until at least next summer. The economy is too fragile, as am I to move. So, in addition to my new art, I've got a couple of nice runners on order for my halls, through my interior design genius, Colleen, and I'm going to have my local interior design connection, Rebecca, paint my bedroom. Just a few little things to brighten the place up and make my environment feel better. Because this cancer treatment will go on and on still. I have surgery then six weeks of radiation ahead of me yet.
On a sad note, but it's of my doing, I am on my own again. It's complicated and personal, but if anyone is reading this who knows Brad, I want to say that he is a kind, sweet man. This is about me. I can't hardly take care of myself sometimes, and it's even harder to nurture a relationship. I just can't do it right now. I'm sorry. Chalk it up to another failed relationship.
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