So this is hell

I had my first dose of Adriamycin/Cytoxan Friday. This is the last phase of chemo, and it's only every other week, thank God, because it's kicking me in the ass. I felt okay, just tired Friday night, but had watery eyes from the Adriamycin. That drug is done with a "push" where the nurse (angel) actually sits there and slowly infuses it through my port. It's bright red and makes you pee funny colors for a day or two. It's important to drink a lot of water to flush it out of your bladder.
Cytoxan is a drip like the old stuff. There are many icky side effects from this cocktail, including nausea which I didn't have at all before, but I've been a little queasy all weekend. However, I haven't thrown up. I'm extremely tired, weepy, and dizzy. I only have to go through this every other week. It's awful. I feel like I just want to die.
My hairdresser took off what was left of my real hair Thursday after work. We left a stubble, so I look like GI Jane. What was left of my real hair looked worse. Like a man with male pattern baldness. It didn't traumatize me as bad as I thought it would, in fact it feels so much better. I even went to the grocery store with nothing on my head because I was hot. I figure if anyone says anything nasty, which no one did, I would simply tell them this is not a fashion statement, I'm sick.
I had a wonderful Fourth of July weekend with Jill and Vivian, and have yet to post pictures but I will. Brad got back from his trip to Montana Friday night, just in time to see me all sickly this weekend. But we did manage a little bit of the West Seattle Street Fair late in the afternoon, and a bite to eat, which I could hardly eat. He brought me back the most gorgeous Pashima in purple tones with little sparkles that looks fabulous with my pretty eggplant sundress I got in Paris. I hardly wear the dress here, because I didn't have a proper wrap for it and now I do! So my ensemble for next Friday night's big Eddie Vedder concert is complete, well, except now I want new shoes! What if Eddie sees me for God's sake!
So, life goes on, but it's hard. I need to go lay down now.