Madness

What, somebody please tell me, is going on in this world? I cried through the first 20 minutes of the news tonight. A 600 point drop in the market, 31 dead troops in Afghanistan - the most in one day in this stupid 10-year war. Riots in London. And, cancer care providers running out of oncology medicines and it could get worse?

It's hard not to be depressed right now.

Thankfully, for many reasons, I have only one chemotherapy treatment left. So, hopefully Swedish won't run out of my poison before then, which is August 19. I had chemo Friday, and today, day three is always when I hit the wall. I feel terrible, everything is so difficult, and I cry a lot.

So, I'll be gad when chemo is over. Next step - see my surgeon August 22 and schedule the the lumpectomy. I'll go through another round of blood work, MRI, and God knows what else.

My timing always seems to be off. Yesterday, before the stock market crash today, I booked a trip to Kauai for Taylor, myself and I think his girlfriend Jamie is coming, too, which is great because I really like her.

But I got a good deal. It's only five days, but it was a Living Social coupon, at a brand new resort on Poipu beach, which is where I wanted. Gads, it's a two-bedroom, partial ocean view, with a full kitchen and lanai. And it's a full-service resort with housekeeping, concierge, etc. We get a discount at their market, and scuba diving or snorkeling for two, which I'll give to the kids. I'd rather do a river kayak adventure.

So, I'm trying not to beat myself up over this - quality of life is important too. I had to work this around blackout days at the resort, and Taylor's school schedule, so we aren't going at Christmas, which would have been great, but who seriously can afford that? So we're going Dec. 10-15, and I look at it as hopefully my "I survived" journey.

Meantime, I worry. About everything. Please someone, tell me things are going to get better.

I am happy with Seattle. When the weather is nice here, which it has been lately, it's so beautiful. I was just thinking yesterday how glad I was to have moved here. I renewed my lease until the end of next June, because I really can't find anything better where I can have Abbey. They treat me well, so it's okay.

Oh, and to top off all the rotten news, next season is the end for "Desperate Housewives!" That bites! Oh well, I thought I'd be lost when the original "Melrose Place" was cancelled so I guess I'll live through this one.

I do hope Taylor comes to see me soon, as I still haven't seen him since he got back from Texas. I haven't seen him since April, and I miss him so much. He is allegedly coming Labor Day weekend, after chemo and before surgery, which is what I want, because I don't want him to see me miserable.