As I sit in the treatment chair, right now, I'm getting my last Herceptin infusion. I never thought this day would come. I'm also getting a flu shot, as I do every year, but I am even more vigilant because of my white blood count still being low. It's weird; it was 2.3 today. Three weeks ago it was at 3. In the 4 range is normal. It takes forever for all of the chemo effects to wear off.
I have a new problem, and I hope it's not serious. My back has been bothering me a great deal. This started way before cancer. It's where disc L5 joins the SI, and is most prevalent on the right side. There have been a few incidents recently where I thought it was going to go out on me. It hurts terribly. So, next Tuesday I'm having a bone scan and MRI to see what's up with that. I got sort of scared. Bone cancer of course shot through my head, but Dr. Kaplan said that's an odd place to get it. Hopefully it's just pressure on the disc or something.
But, I'm thrilled to say, the reconstruction mess is getting much better. I saw Dr. Isik yesterday, and he's ready for the next step. So, next Thursday, I'll have another little surgery, this time in the OR in his office. This is to remove the fat necrosis over my new left breast, and lift the right side so I am symmetrical. I was really surprised that he thought I was ready. Since he's already going to have me down for the count (under anesthesia) he will remove this damn port that's been in me since March 2011!! For that I am super stoked.
There will still be a few more little things to do, but I'm beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel.
Fear of cancer coming back will always live with me, however.
Still no job, but two people are leaving the Bellevue office of the company I worked for. One is leaving for a job with a business journal, the other is having a baby. So, I applied - it's not like they don't know me. So, I'm going to visit with Craig, the editor, on Monday. It's certainly not like they don't know my work. I'm to the point now where I just want to get back to work.
I'm also psyched because there is a new condo on the market, that is even better than the one I was close to making an offer on before I was laid off in March. This one is in a building with only five units; I actually had looked at another one in the same building, but she wanted too much money I thought and it did not have a covered parking place. I saw this in Sunday's paper, and thought I'd go check it out (it was an open house). I figured it was the one I looked at before, but NO! It's the one above it, so it has vaulted ceilings, which makes it feel much bigger, and it has a covered parking space.
Not only that, it's an estate sale, so the son of whoever died, put in an all new kitchen - cabinets, flooring, counters and stainless steel appliances! It also has new paint and nice new carpet. All this, and a view of Puget Sound and the Olympic Mountains. So if I get re-hired, I'm going to give it a shot. I will feel much better in a better neighborhood and lovely place.
I have been sort of down due to concerns about other people in my life who are having even greater struggles. It just seems like there's so much bad ju-ju going on. I hope things turn around for all of us very soon.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
I think the universe is opening up for me.
The past week has been sort of extraordinary. I went to Whidbey Island the 26th through the 28th of August, and although I didn't see any cheap real estate that I loved, or groovy job opportunities, I may have stumbled onto something completely unexpected.
I met this very nice lady who was going through a program right now to get her MFA in creative writing. As it turned out, I know someone else who just graduated from the same program. It's quite interesting, fully accredited and is through the Northwest Academy of Literary Arts. You spend two 9-day stints on the island at the lovely Capt. Whidbey Inn, and do the rest online. My friend who just graduated and this woman both raved about it. It's just for creative writers - and there's absolutely no math involved! So, I'm contemplating applying.
Meantime, all sort of interesting opportunities are coming my way. Nothing has solidified yet, but I do have one for-sure interview this week for a job that is related to another field I've been interested in but I haven't pursued it before because it would involve eventually opening my own business. But if I got this job, I'd get a taste of the industry. Ditto for one other opportunity. I don't want to say too much more, in case none of it works out.
Meantime, my old boss, Mary, called me. She's such a dear. Always looking out for me. Next Sunday, the Susan Komen Foundation is having a hosted luncheon for breast cancer survivors on the Holland America Cruise ship, the Oosterdam, while it's at the cruise terminal. They want me to go, as a survivor, and to also write a story about it for the Pink Pages which they do for breast cancer awareness month (October). So of course I said yes! I can't wait to see what one of these big ass cruise ships looks like.
But there's more to this one, too. One of the executive VP's with Holland America is on the Mercer Island City Council, and Mary has access to him. And they're hiring. So, she's going to try to arrange a meeting for me. I've applied with them before (PR type jobs) but they ignore me. I am telling you, it's connections that get you a job anymore. I paid $40 to one of those head hunter web sites, and they either send me jobs that I know I don't qualify for, or some dingbat calls me and wants me to enter the exciting world of insurance sales. No thanks. I did my time with commission sales. I couldn't deal with that stress again.
I continue to get better and better. I saw Dr. Isik (the plastic surgeon) Wednesday, and he is ever impressed with my progress. I have a lot of swelling still over the new breast, and he said it's called fat necrosis. It really bugs me - it feels like I have a lot of pressure on my chest, and like I've got something under my arm all the time when it's down. But he said it will go down, and settle into one little spot, then he'll pluck it out. So, I see him again in three weeks.
Then on Friday I had my next to the last Herceptin infusion! Yay! Then I can FINALLY get my port out. I've had it in since March of 2011 and I'm real sick of it. Dr. Isik may take it out rather than my surgical oncologist, since he's still got work to do on me. There will be another procedure to lift the right breast and get them both to match once the swelling is down.
I can't believe I'm almost done with Herceptin. My heart is doing well, in fact they scheduled me for an echo cardiogram the 10th. But I just saw a new study come out that said women who have undergone chemo for breast cancer and then used Herceptin are at greater risk for heart disease. Super. But I'm not too worried, because my heart has been stalwart so far. It's a good ticker, thank God. I credit exercise to that.
I start restorative yoga next weekend, and Tango lessons Sept. 11 for six weeks, which should be fun. I'm not ready for Pilates again because of the abdominal incision, but I'll get there.
But Abbey and I are walking the woods again in Lincoln Park and it's been great.
The only downer is my car. After I left the cancer institute Friday, my car would not unlock. The key less entry hasn't worked for some time, but this time even the key didn't work manually. I called two locksmiths, but they both said BMWs are too secure, and they can't get into them. So, I had to be towed to the dealer. I got there 10 minutes before they closed. They were kind enough to give me a really, really nice loaner (a 2010 328I) but it's going to cost about a grand to get into my car again. Shit. They had to order the new tumbler assembly, so it could be I won't get my car back until Friday. But being the dealership, they took it upon themselves to comb through the whole car and rattle off this laundry list of stuff I had better get fixed at outrageous cost, and I told the service advisor, forget it - just get me in the damn car.
I have a wonderful mechanic with a little shop right here in West Seattle, and I'm going to have him look at all these so-called repairs I need, and if he says it's all B.S. then fine. If it's not B.S., then I'm going to start shopping for a new car, because I just won't put any more money into this one. It's been a fabulous car, I've loved it, and I feel very safe in it. But I just hate repair after repair. I need a dependable car. I just hate the bus. Too many weirdos.
So for now, I'm not ready to leave the city. I still like it here, the culture, the restaurants
and I have to say, the weather! No kidding, we're on day 43 (I think) of NO RAIN! If we make it another week it will be a record! Of course the rain will return - it's Seattle! But like my cousin Sheila says, at least you don't have to shovel rain. Seattle hasn't experienced the horrible drought or the horrible storms like they get in the gulf coast. Really, it's pretty mild here. The gloom gets tough in the winter, but at least it's not dark like Alaska gets in the dead of winter. Things could be worse.
I met this very nice lady who was going through a program right now to get her MFA in creative writing. As it turned out, I know someone else who just graduated from the same program. It's quite interesting, fully accredited and is through the Northwest Academy of Literary Arts. You spend two 9-day stints on the island at the lovely Capt. Whidbey Inn, and do the rest online. My friend who just graduated and this woman both raved about it. It's just for creative writers - and there's absolutely no math involved! So, I'm contemplating applying.
Meantime, all sort of interesting opportunities are coming my way. Nothing has solidified yet, but I do have one for-sure interview this week for a job that is related to another field I've been interested in but I haven't pursued it before because it would involve eventually opening my own business. But if I got this job, I'd get a taste of the industry. Ditto for one other opportunity. I don't want to say too much more, in case none of it works out.
Meantime, my old boss, Mary, called me. She's such a dear. Always looking out for me. Next Sunday, the Susan Komen Foundation is having a hosted luncheon for breast cancer survivors on the Holland America Cruise ship, the Oosterdam, while it's at the cruise terminal. They want me to go, as a survivor, and to also write a story about it for the Pink Pages which they do for breast cancer awareness month (October). So of course I said yes! I can't wait to see what one of these big ass cruise ships looks like.
But there's more to this one, too. One of the executive VP's with Holland America is on the Mercer Island City Council, and Mary has access to him. And they're hiring. So, she's going to try to arrange a meeting for me. I've applied with them before (PR type jobs) but they ignore me. I am telling you, it's connections that get you a job anymore. I paid $40 to one of those head hunter web sites, and they either send me jobs that I know I don't qualify for, or some dingbat calls me and wants me to enter the exciting world of insurance sales. No thanks. I did my time with commission sales. I couldn't deal with that stress again.
I continue to get better and better. I saw Dr. Isik (the plastic surgeon) Wednesday, and he is ever impressed with my progress. I have a lot of swelling still over the new breast, and he said it's called fat necrosis. It really bugs me - it feels like I have a lot of pressure on my chest, and like I've got something under my arm all the time when it's down. But he said it will go down, and settle into one little spot, then he'll pluck it out. So, I see him again in three weeks.
Then on Friday I had my next to the last Herceptin infusion! Yay! Then I can FINALLY get my port out. I've had it in since March of 2011 and I'm real sick of it. Dr. Isik may take it out rather than my surgical oncologist, since he's still got work to do on me. There will be another procedure to lift the right breast and get them both to match once the swelling is down.
I can't believe I'm almost done with Herceptin. My heart is doing well, in fact they scheduled me for an echo cardiogram the 10th. But I just saw a new study come out that said women who have undergone chemo for breast cancer and then used Herceptin are at greater risk for heart disease. Super. But I'm not too worried, because my heart has been stalwart so far. It's a good ticker, thank God. I credit exercise to that.
I start restorative yoga next weekend, and Tango lessons Sept. 11 for six weeks, which should be fun. I'm not ready for Pilates again because of the abdominal incision, but I'll get there.
But Abbey and I are walking the woods again in Lincoln Park and it's been great.
The only downer is my car. After I left the cancer institute Friday, my car would not unlock. The key less entry hasn't worked for some time, but this time even the key didn't work manually. I called two locksmiths, but they both said BMWs are too secure, and they can't get into them. So, I had to be towed to the dealer. I got there 10 minutes before they closed. They were kind enough to give me a really, really nice loaner (a 2010 328I) but it's going to cost about a grand to get into my car again. Shit. They had to order the new tumbler assembly, so it could be I won't get my car back until Friday. But being the dealership, they took it upon themselves to comb through the whole car and rattle off this laundry list of stuff I had better get fixed at outrageous cost, and I told the service advisor, forget it - just get me in the damn car.
I have a wonderful mechanic with a little shop right here in West Seattle, and I'm going to have him look at all these so-called repairs I need, and if he says it's all B.S. then fine. If it's not B.S., then I'm going to start shopping for a new car, because I just won't put any more money into this one. It's been a fabulous car, I've loved it, and I feel very safe in it. But I just hate repair after repair. I need a dependable car. I just hate the bus. Too many weirdos.
So for now, I'm not ready to leave the city. I still like it here, the culture, the restaurants
and I have to say, the weather! No kidding, we're on day 43 (I think) of NO RAIN! If we make it another week it will be a record! Of course the rain will return - it's Seattle! But like my cousin Sheila says, at least you don't have to shovel rain. Seattle hasn't experienced the horrible drought or the horrible storms like they get in the gulf coast. Really, it's pretty mild here. The gloom gets tough in the winter, but at least it's not dark like Alaska gets in the dead of winter. Things could be worse.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Cold turkey
Well hell, I wish the doctor had told me to wean myself off the painkillers. After my last post, they ran out and I thought, okay, I'm done, because I didn't want to become dependent on them. I was on oxycodone. Bad shit. Real bad shit. I didn't leave the house for two days, and Tuesday - it was in the 80s outside - I laid on the couch rolled up in a ball in a blanket crying, freezing and sweating. God it was awful.
Wednesday I had to go to Swedish to talk to the social worker about continued assistance, so I had to go out amongst them, which was a good thing. I took care of some other business and went to Costco, too, and I felt much more human.
Sandy, the social worker, told me something I didn't know. For every hour you're under anesthesia, it takes a week to recover and get it out of your system. I was under for five hours. Tomorrow is four weeks out, so I figure another week and I may feel like myself again, and hopefully in another two or three I can get into some restorative yoga.
I am able to walk Abbey longer now. We went to Lincoln Park for the first time in a month, and it was a gorgeous, hot sunny day. We just walked along the water though, as I still don't have it in me to trek through the woods. But it was wonderful.
I had another massage with Naomi, which really helps my back. What a goddess with her hands. My belly incision doesn't hurt so much anymore either, so I'm trying to stand in the Pilates stance when I'm standing, and tuck my tailbone under. My new breast does hurt still. It's still very swollen and bruised. I'm going to call the doc tomorrow just to make sure that's normal.
I'm also sleeping better. I was having God-awful night sweats and now that I'm off the oxy - surprise! The night sweats are gone. Imagine waking up every morning soaked and freezing. I can't even imagine how people get hooked on pain killers. It's awful.
But now I've been burdened with GI problems all week from going off the oxycodone. Nothing looks good to me. So I'm forcing myself to eat a BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce and toast) and it's working. As much as I know I need fruits and veggies again, which I love, it's hard right now. I did eat some cucumber and tomato, and today some cantaloupe, banana and blueberries. Consequently, I've lost weight! Yay!
But yesterday was a great day. I met up with my old pal from the Coeur d'Alene Press days, Tyler Wilson, and his wife Angie, and their little girl Marion, along with some other people I didn't know, and had a lovely visit in Sodo, before they went to a Mariner's game. Tyler is a great guy. Then, I went to a dive bar called Linda's Tavern of all things, for Linda's Fest, to catch a new band, "Walking Papers," and I was blown away! I even met the drummer and on bass, the one and only Duff McKagan, formerly of Guns n' Roses! I was so stoked! They were totally killer. The lead singer/guitarist, Jeff Angell, is awesome. The drummer, Barrett Martin, and Angell are the main guys - who knows if Duff will stay with them, but I was right in front! I love being able to see all the details, setting up, plugging stuff in, the set list. It electrifies me.
Today I went to an uke jam and had fun as usual. I've been working on "Norwegian Wood," by the Beatles for weeks, and finally got the lick down. It's a hard one. We didn't do it at the jam, but I'm enjoying it as part of my repertoire. I watched Duff and Jeff very closely last night - their hands on the frets and their strumming, plucking patterns. Geez - I'll never be a rock star, but I sure do admire the talent. I know it's only rock and roll, but dammit I love it!
Taylor is coming over for a couple of days, then I'm taking off again in a week for a couple of nights on Whidbey Island. I haven't been there in ages. I found a quaint pet-friendly Inn in Coupeville, so I'm taking Miss Abbey on a little adventure. I'm going to scout around. I figure if I don't find a job here by the time all my cancer care is over, I might be outa here. I don't know. I love Seattle, but Whidbey is close enough so if I wanted to go to a show or something, I could still do it. God knows I love the San Juan's, but that's quite a commute. I need to find a place where I can live cheaper, and I want to stay near the water.
Wednesday I had to go to Swedish to talk to the social worker about continued assistance, so I had to go out amongst them, which was a good thing. I took care of some other business and went to Costco, too, and I felt much more human.
Sandy, the social worker, told me something I didn't know. For every hour you're under anesthesia, it takes a week to recover and get it out of your system. I was under for five hours. Tomorrow is four weeks out, so I figure another week and I may feel like myself again, and hopefully in another two or three I can get into some restorative yoga.
I am able to walk Abbey longer now. We went to Lincoln Park for the first time in a month, and it was a gorgeous, hot sunny day. We just walked along the water though, as I still don't have it in me to trek through the woods. But it was wonderful.
I had another massage with Naomi, which really helps my back. What a goddess with her hands. My belly incision doesn't hurt so much anymore either, so I'm trying to stand in the Pilates stance when I'm standing, and tuck my tailbone under. My new breast does hurt still. It's still very swollen and bruised. I'm going to call the doc tomorrow just to make sure that's normal.
I'm also sleeping better. I was having God-awful night sweats and now that I'm off the oxy - surprise! The night sweats are gone. Imagine waking up every morning soaked and freezing. I can't even imagine how people get hooked on pain killers. It's awful.
But now I've been burdened with GI problems all week from going off the oxycodone. Nothing looks good to me. So I'm forcing myself to eat a BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce and toast) and it's working. As much as I know I need fruits and veggies again, which I love, it's hard right now. I did eat some cucumber and tomato, and today some cantaloupe, banana and blueberries. Consequently, I've lost weight! Yay!
But yesterday was a great day. I met up with my old pal from the Coeur d'Alene Press days, Tyler Wilson, and his wife Angie, and their little girl Marion, along with some other people I didn't know, and had a lovely visit in Sodo, before they went to a Mariner's game. Tyler is a great guy. Then, I went to a dive bar called Linda's Tavern of all things, for Linda's Fest, to catch a new band, "Walking Papers," and I was blown away! I even met the drummer and on bass, the one and only Duff McKagan, formerly of Guns n' Roses! I was so stoked! They were totally killer. The lead singer/guitarist, Jeff Angell, is awesome. The drummer, Barrett Martin, and Angell are the main guys - who knows if Duff will stay with them, but I was right in front! I love being able to see all the details, setting up, plugging stuff in, the set list. It electrifies me.
Today I went to an uke jam and had fun as usual. I've been working on "Norwegian Wood," by the Beatles for weeks, and finally got the lick down. It's a hard one. We didn't do it at the jam, but I'm enjoying it as part of my repertoire. I watched Duff and Jeff very closely last night - their hands on the frets and their strumming, plucking patterns. Geez - I'll never be a rock star, but I sure do admire the talent. I know it's only rock and roll, but dammit I love it!
Taylor is coming over for a couple of days, then I'm taking off again in a week for a couple of nights on Whidbey Island. I haven't been there in ages. I found a quaint pet-friendly Inn in Coupeville, so I'm taking Miss Abbey on a little adventure. I'm going to scout around. I figure if I don't find a job here by the time all my cancer care is over, I might be outa here. I don't know. I love Seattle, but Whidbey is close enough so if I wanted to go to a show or something, I could still do it. God knows I love the San Juan's, but that's quite a commute. I need to find a place where I can live cheaper, and I want to stay near the water.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Back to normal - sort of
With all my caregivers gone, I'm trying to rest up, get caught up and pursue looking for work with more enthusiasm, although I don't know if I could work yet. I get so darn tired. I'm three weeks post-op now. Made it to Aerosmith with Col last Wednesday night, and slept in the next day. Yesterday I did make it to yet another concert, this one an earlier show because it was at the Zoo (part of their Zootunes series), and they always start at 6 p.m. sharp and don't go much later than 9 because of neighboring homes I imagine. So, I was home by 8:45 or so.
I saw Melissa Ethridge, one of my favorite ladies of rock. I saw her once before, years ago, before she had breast cancer. I could tell it changed her, too. She's one of those artists who talks to the audience between songs, and you can actually understand her! She said she's eight years cancer free now - I figured it had been awhile - plus her hair is long again!
So when she opened her encore with "I Walk For Life," which she wrote after the whole cancer thing, it was really emotional for me, tears welling up in my eyes.
I had an epiphany, too. I think one of the reasons I love rock so much, is that I understand the message so well. Rock and blues musicians speak to me - I get it. It's the soundtrack of my life. They express thoughts and feelings about life as I would like to.
Before "I'm The Only One," one my favorites of hers, Melissa pointed out that we are the only ones who truly get it - about who we are. I need to take care of myself - it's my life, you know? I mean, I know this, but it's good to be reminded.
So, enough of the philosophy of rock and roll! She is a rock star, but not flashy. She opened with "Fearless Love," and "Your Little Secret," before launching into a killer blues jam. She can certainly hold her own on the axe, let me tell you.
"I Want to Come Over," was performed with a whole lot of yearning, then she did "You Can't Always Get What You Want," doing the Stones proud. Loved it.
She's funny, too. Her belt broke, so her wardrobe/hair/makeup guy had to come out with a new belt or "her britches would fall down." She turned it into an amusing little dance while she strummed guitar and he circled her putting on the new belt. She said she was helpless, hapless (?) without him!
She also applauded her male fans, saying they were the best, because it took a lot of guts to admit they were Melissa Ethridge fans! She's gay if you don't know.
Of course she did "Come to my Window." When she travels she said people will ask her what she does, and she tells them she's an entertainer. They'll ask, "Do you play guitar?" Yes. "Do you sing?" Yes. Then she says, you know that window song?? OOhhh! They immediately know who she is!
She's got a new album coming out Sept. 4 and did a couple of songs off of it, one called "Falling Up," that was particularly good.
The rest of my week is pretty dull. Right now I have a massage scheduled for Thursday with Naomi again, still trying to get my back straightened out. I may also have an informational interview for a job; keep your fingers crossed.
No doctors until the last week of August. I'm going to have withdrawals! It's really scary to have the doctor's appointments thinning out. All normal, or so I hear.
I saw Melissa Ethridge, one of my favorite ladies of rock. I saw her once before, years ago, before she had breast cancer. I could tell it changed her, too. She's one of those artists who talks to the audience between songs, and you can actually understand her! She said she's eight years cancer free now - I figured it had been awhile - plus her hair is long again!
So when she opened her encore with "I Walk For Life," which she wrote after the whole cancer thing, it was really emotional for me, tears welling up in my eyes.
I had an epiphany, too. I think one of the reasons I love rock so much, is that I understand the message so well. Rock and blues musicians speak to me - I get it. It's the soundtrack of my life. They express thoughts and feelings about life as I would like to.
Before "I'm The Only One," one my favorites of hers, Melissa pointed out that we are the only ones who truly get it - about who we are. I need to take care of myself - it's my life, you know? I mean, I know this, but it's good to be reminded.
So, enough of the philosophy of rock and roll! She is a rock star, but not flashy. She opened with "Fearless Love," and "Your Little Secret," before launching into a killer blues jam. She can certainly hold her own on the axe, let me tell you.
"I Want to Come Over," was performed with a whole lot of yearning, then she did "You Can't Always Get What You Want," doing the Stones proud. Loved it.
She's funny, too. Her belt broke, so her wardrobe/hair/makeup guy had to come out with a new belt or "her britches would fall down." She turned it into an amusing little dance while she strummed guitar and he circled her putting on the new belt. She said she was helpless, hapless (?) without him!
She also applauded her male fans, saying they were the best, because it took a lot of guts to admit they were Melissa Ethridge fans! She's gay if you don't know.
Of course she did "Come to my Window." When she travels she said people will ask her what she does, and she tells them she's an entertainer. They'll ask, "Do you play guitar?" Yes. "Do you sing?" Yes. Then she says, you know that window song?? OOhhh! They immediately know who she is!
She's got a new album coming out Sept. 4 and did a couple of songs off of it, one called "Falling Up," that was particularly good.
The rest of my week is pretty dull. Right now I have a massage scheduled for Thursday with Naomi again, still trying to get my back straightened out. I may also have an informational interview for a job; keep your fingers crossed.
No doctors until the last week of August. I'm going to have withdrawals! It's really scary to have the doctor's appointments thinning out. All normal, or so I hear.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Worse than childbirth
Now that it's over, I think I'm going to be extremely happy I made the decision I did. But I'm still extremely tired and sore from the TRAM-flap. If I had known how much pain I would be in I might have chickened out. I told Taylor I think I'd rather have given birth to him 10 times over.
The days leading up to the surgery were the calm before the storm. I was sore from the delay procedure, but when Laurie arrived for "first shift" as my nurse Saturday night, we had a little wine and visited, then the next day had brunch at the Book Bindery, followed by a ride on the Great Seattle Wheel on Pier 57, a new feature to the Emerald City.
I hardly slept. I was totally awake by 3 a.m. and just gave up. We were at the hospital right on time at 5:40 a.m. - O'dark hundred. Being early on the OR schedule, there was no waiting unlike with my mastectomy where I was in the holding area a grueling six hours. It was frightening moving along so quickly. When it was time to say goodbye to Laurie, I wasn't ready. This time while waiting to be conked out, I was regaling the anesthesiologist and staff with the story of my emergency appendectomy during the time I was going through chemo, then I was in recovery. Funny how they always shut me up!
I was in recovery for two hours. I couldn't feel the pain as I still had tons of drugs in me, plus a catheter, IV and three drains. Laurie finally got to see me when they took me to my room on the 11th floor, and she told me Dr. Isik said it went very well, but it took a little longer than expected because the tissue was harder than he anticipated. Ha! Pilates! It was 3 p.m.
I wasn't really hungry, so after awhile I had some jello and vanilla wafers. Laurie took off to go take care of sweet Abbey, and to have dinner with another friend of hers who was in Seattle visiting from New York. I was happy she had someone else to entertain her. Mira came to see me at 8 p.m. until 9 p.m. and we laughed and she and nurse Bonnie were marveling about how good I looked. Bonnie said most people have a gray pallor right out of surgery, and she was stunned that I had color in my face. Note: I HAD NOT slipped into any makeup! Anyway, Mira said the funniest thing - she said "surgery becomes you." I laughed until it was hurting and I had to quit!
One hour later all hell broke loose. All the big drugs must have worn off because I was in excruciating pain. It took Bonnie until 11:30 to get me comfortable. I was shaking, crying, wishing I'd just die.
I said to her, "how can I go home tomorrow? I can hardly move?"
She was a tough bird. She said by golly, I have patient's rights, and if I don't want to go home Tuesday I don't have to. I stayed.
Dr. Isik came in Tuesday morning and I told him I couldn't possibly go home and have Laurie dealing with this pile of mush that can't even move, and he was fine with that. They took my catheter out, which meant I was going to have to get up to go to the bathroom. It was so much effort. Then, I couldn't sit low enough to reach it, so they had to bring in a high-rise toilet. My first walk to the nurses station and back was total hell. I didn't think I'd make it. What had I done?
Much to my amazement, by Wednesday morning, not only was I able to go the regular toilet by myself, I could walk a short distance. Bonnie had gone home early in the morning, and I had another wonderful nurse, Megan most of Tuesday. But then dipshit Trang came back (I had her in the beginning) and I was getting pissed. She was the most inept nurse ever. Totally stupid. I had snapped at her more than once about making me wait for my pain medication. I said to her, "I don't think you realize how much pain I'm in - this is not make-believe." Then I waited an hour to get a diet Sierra Mist and chicken noodle soup (Campbell's sucky soup), and I was ready to get out of there. I was home by 3 p.m. and felt better already in my own digs. Abbey was thrilled to see me, but we had to be very careful to keep her from jumping on my belly. I think she understood something was up with mom - what, she wasn't sure, but she's been a really good girl.
All was pretty quiet for the next 48 hours. I slept a lot. Laurie was fine - she was confident enough to go here and there in her car, but she stayed close to home after I got out of the hospital. So, Thursday, Taryn arrived for shift number two. Both would stay that night. In advance I had gone to one of those places where you put dinners together in advance and freeze them, so I had a nice cod in I think some sort of lemon sauce, which they prepared along with a really good salad, and Taryn brought some awesome lemon bread from a bakery in Idaho.
Now, let me tell you, pain killers - any kind - have one really nasty side effect. Constipation. I had been taking a stool softener daily, but it was Thursday now, and I hadn't moved the earth since Sunday. I was miserable. When the girls ran out to the store, they got me some Milk of Magnesia, which the doc said was fine. I swigged a capful and was off to the bathroom. Once again I wanted to die. I didn't realize it, but I was in there an hour and 45 minutes screaming, moaning, begging for mercy while they held dinner. I know they were cracking up, but it wasn't funny. So, finally I yelled for whoever was brave enough to crack open the bathroom door and hand me my medical marijuana because it helps move things, too. Taryn dashes in and delivers the goods. In retrospect, it was hilarious. She came back again, for what I've forgotten, but she swears she got a second hand high. It's amazing the bathroom didn't explode.
Suffice it to say, I was exhausted, but I did enjoy my dinner. I was in bed not too much later. Then, I had a nightmare and woke up screaming and both of them came running into my bedroom. A few hours later, I thought Abbey was crying so everyone got up again. Lord, I have such wonderful friends.
Laurie left bright and early, so now Taryn had to deal with me on her own.
Taryn is a small town girl, so I was amazed when she said she'd come to the big city to take care of me. So, she didn't go anywhere except to walk Abbey for days! Let me digress for a moment to Abbey. She's so funny. At first, she wouldn't walk with Laurie. She'd plant her ass on the sidewalk and refuse to move. Momma wasn't there. But soon she realized if she wanted to be walked, she didn't have much of a choice. Taryn arrives. Same drill. She digs her heels in and won't budge. It was so funny - finally Taryn had to run to get her moving, then Abbey would go! I can only imagine what that looked like outside! I took her for a very short walk today, and she was very happy, although I walk at a snail's pace. So, now she needed to get ready for Colleen. If she wants a serious walk, I'm not there yet. She's so damn spoiled! It turned out, she walked just fine for Colleen, because I think she remembers Col, since she is down here a few times each year.
By Sunday, Taryn's dad, Carl, step-mom Shelley, and half-brother, Rick, were able to come and rescue her and take her to lunch and out and about a bit in West Seattle. They came in and visited with me on both ends. What a nice couple, and I had never met Rick, and he's a neat kid. He's 23 and was in a band, so I asked him if he was the rock star, and he looked at me sort of hesitantly, and shrugged and said, sure!
The next day, I was thrilled because I got my drains out! All three of them. The "C" drain, out the right side of my abdomen filled the most, but it was well below 30ml in a 24-hour period. So they were only in a week, compared to three weeks with my mastectomy drain, which I thought was interesting because this was a much more invasive procedure. With no icky stuff hanging out of me, Taryn and I were able to enjoy a nice dinner at a West Seattle place called Blackboard Bistro that evening. I was so happy to get out.
In addition to the obvious pain from my wounds, my back hurt like a mo-fo. I've had lower back problems anyway, but walking with a slight stoop from my belly hurting, made it worse. Much to my amazement, Naomi, the best massage therapist I've found here, makes house calls! She came with her table, to my home, and massaged the hell out of my back, relieving a great deal of pressure and pain. I plan to go to her again, soon. It really, really helped. By mid-week I was able to see Dr. Isik and he was thrilled with my progress. That was 10 days out. He took off the steri-strips, any remaining stitches and said he'd see me in a month! A month?! But as I write this none of my guts have fallen out!
Dr. Isik told me to keep paper tape over my abdominal incision 24/7, changing it when I showered, and it would greatly reduce scarring. Who knew? As far as the breast incisions, he said one positive to radiation, is that the tissue won't scar. Again, who knew. I feel like the bride of Frankenstein right now, but it will be awesome when I'm all healed.
When Taryn and I went to get my drains out, one of the nurses who had this procedure years ago, showed us her boobs and her belly and we were duly impressed! But it was so funny to suddenly be flashed by this woman we didn't know. We told Dr. Isik about it, and he smiled and said, "everybody has seen her boobs but me." He didn't do her surgery because this was before she knew him, so it was really funny!
Taryn rolled out Thursday, and Colleen arrived late that night from Anchorage. She got the easier shift because I'm able now to do more for myself, but I do get tired easily and I still sleep a lot. We did make it to a good vantage point Friday, to see the Blue Angels perform in day one of their Seafair performances, and as usual they were breathtaking. We totally lucked out finding a parking place, and then ending up at this same little spot I found two years ago. Saturday night we had dinner at the wonderful Book Bindery. I seem to take all my out of town guests there! It's so damn good! We shared a bottle of wine, which I hadn't done in a while, and boy, did I sleep that night, then had to take a nap and go to bed early the next night. Oh boy.
Hopefully I will have more strength in two days, as we have tickets to see Aerosmith at the Tacoma Dome. I plan to take a good nap in the afternoon! I figure I can do this - after all, I was at the U2 concert last year one week after the appendectomy! Rock-n-roll is always a priority!!!!
The days leading up to the surgery were the calm before the storm. I was sore from the delay procedure, but when Laurie arrived for "first shift" as my nurse Saturday night, we had a little wine and visited, then the next day had brunch at the Book Bindery, followed by a ride on the Great Seattle Wheel on Pier 57, a new feature to the Emerald City.
I hardly slept. I was totally awake by 3 a.m. and just gave up. We were at the hospital right on time at 5:40 a.m. - O'dark hundred. Being early on the OR schedule, there was no waiting unlike with my mastectomy where I was in the holding area a grueling six hours. It was frightening moving along so quickly. When it was time to say goodbye to Laurie, I wasn't ready. This time while waiting to be conked out, I was regaling the anesthesiologist and staff with the story of my emergency appendectomy during the time I was going through chemo, then I was in recovery. Funny how they always shut me up!
I was in recovery for two hours. I couldn't feel the pain as I still had tons of drugs in me, plus a catheter, IV and three drains. Laurie finally got to see me when they took me to my room on the 11th floor, and she told me Dr. Isik said it went very well, but it took a little longer than expected because the tissue was harder than he anticipated. Ha! Pilates! It was 3 p.m.
I wasn't really hungry, so after awhile I had some jello and vanilla wafers. Laurie took off to go take care of sweet Abbey, and to have dinner with another friend of hers who was in Seattle visiting from New York. I was happy she had someone else to entertain her. Mira came to see me at 8 p.m. until 9 p.m. and we laughed and she and nurse Bonnie were marveling about how good I looked. Bonnie said most people have a gray pallor right out of surgery, and she was stunned that I had color in my face. Note: I HAD NOT slipped into any makeup! Anyway, Mira said the funniest thing - she said "surgery becomes you." I laughed until it was hurting and I had to quit!
One hour later all hell broke loose. All the big drugs must have worn off because I was in excruciating pain. It took Bonnie until 11:30 to get me comfortable. I was shaking, crying, wishing I'd just die.
I said to her, "how can I go home tomorrow? I can hardly move?"
She was a tough bird. She said by golly, I have patient's rights, and if I don't want to go home Tuesday I don't have to. I stayed.
Dr. Isik came in Tuesday morning and I told him I couldn't possibly go home and have Laurie dealing with this pile of mush that can't even move, and he was fine with that. They took my catheter out, which meant I was going to have to get up to go to the bathroom. It was so much effort. Then, I couldn't sit low enough to reach it, so they had to bring in a high-rise toilet. My first walk to the nurses station and back was total hell. I didn't think I'd make it. What had I done?
Much to my amazement, by Wednesday morning, not only was I able to go the regular toilet by myself, I could walk a short distance. Bonnie had gone home early in the morning, and I had another wonderful nurse, Megan most of Tuesday. But then dipshit Trang came back (I had her in the beginning) and I was getting pissed. She was the most inept nurse ever. Totally stupid. I had snapped at her more than once about making me wait for my pain medication. I said to her, "I don't think you realize how much pain I'm in - this is not make-believe." Then I waited an hour to get a diet Sierra Mist and chicken noodle soup (Campbell's sucky soup), and I was ready to get out of there. I was home by 3 p.m. and felt better already in my own digs. Abbey was thrilled to see me, but we had to be very careful to keep her from jumping on my belly. I think she understood something was up with mom - what, she wasn't sure, but she's been a really good girl.
All was pretty quiet for the next 48 hours. I slept a lot. Laurie was fine - she was confident enough to go here and there in her car, but she stayed close to home after I got out of the hospital. So, Thursday, Taryn arrived for shift number two. Both would stay that night. In advance I had gone to one of those places where you put dinners together in advance and freeze them, so I had a nice cod in I think some sort of lemon sauce, which they prepared along with a really good salad, and Taryn brought some awesome lemon bread from a bakery in Idaho.
Now, let me tell you, pain killers - any kind - have one really nasty side effect. Constipation. I had been taking a stool softener daily, but it was Thursday now, and I hadn't moved the earth since Sunday. I was miserable. When the girls ran out to the store, they got me some Milk of Magnesia, which the doc said was fine. I swigged a capful and was off to the bathroom. Once again I wanted to die. I didn't realize it, but I was in there an hour and 45 minutes screaming, moaning, begging for mercy while they held dinner. I know they were cracking up, but it wasn't funny. So, finally I yelled for whoever was brave enough to crack open the bathroom door and hand me my medical marijuana because it helps move things, too. Taryn dashes in and delivers the goods. In retrospect, it was hilarious. She came back again, for what I've forgotten, but she swears she got a second hand high. It's amazing the bathroom didn't explode.
Suffice it to say, I was exhausted, but I did enjoy my dinner. I was in bed not too much later. Then, I had a nightmare and woke up screaming and both of them came running into my bedroom. A few hours later, I thought Abbey was crying so everyone got up again. Lord, I have such wonderful friends.
Laurie left bright and early, so now Taryn had to deal with me on her own.
Taryn is a small town girl, so I was amazed when she said she'd come to the big city to take care of me. So, she didn't go anywhere except to walk Abbey for days! Let me digress for a moment to Abbey. She's so funny. At first, she wouldn't walk with Laurie. She'd plant her ass on the sidewalk and refuse to move. Momma wasn't there. But soon she realized if she wanted to be walked, she didn't have much of a choice. Taryn arrives. Same drill. She digs her heels in and won't budge. It was so funny - finally Taryn had to run to get her moving, then Abbey would go! I can only imagine what that looked like outside! I took her for a very short walk today, and she was very happy, although I walk at a snail's pace. So, now she needed to get ready for Colleen. If she wants a serious walk, I'm not there yet. She's so damn spoiled! It turned out, she walked just fine for Colleen, because I think she remembers Col, since she is down here a few times each year.
By Sunday, Taryn's dad, Carl, step-mom Shelley, and half-brother, Rick, were able to come and rescue her and take her to lunch and out and about a bit in West Seattle. They came in and visited with me on both ends. What a nice couple, and I had never met Rick, and he's a neat kid. He's 23 and was in a band, so I asked him if he was the rock star, and he looked at me sort of hesitantly, and shrugged and said, sure!
The next day, I was thrilled because I got my drains out! All three of them. The "C" drain, out the right side of my abdomen filled the most, but it was well below 30ml in a 24-hour period. So they were only in a week, compared to three weeks with my mastectomy drain, which I thought was interesting because this was a much more invasive procedure. With no icky stuff hanging out of me, Taryn and I were able to enjoy a nice dinner at a West Seattle place called Blackboard Bistro that evening. I was so happy to get out.
In addition to the obvious pain from my wounds, my back hurt like a mo-fo. I've had lower back problems anyway, but walking with a slight stoop from my belly hurting, made it worse. Much to my amazement, Naomi, the best massage therapist I've found here, makes house calls! She came with her table, to my home, and massaged the hell out of my back, relieving a great deal of pressure and pain. I plan to go to her again, soon. It really, really helped. By mid-week I was able to see Dr. Isik and he was thrilled with my progress. That was 10 days out. He took off the steri-strips, any remaining stitches and said he'd see me in a month! A month?! But as I write this none of my guts have fallen out!
Dr. Isik told me to keep paper tape over my abdominal incision 24/7, changing it when I showered, and it would greatly reduce scarring. Who knew? As far as the breast incisions, he said one positive to radiation, is that the tissue won't scar. Again, who knew. I feel like the bride of Frankenstein right now, but it will be awesome when I'm all healed.
When Taryn and I went to get my drains out, one of the nurses who had this procedure years ago, showed us her boobs and her belly and we were duly impressed! But it was so funny to suddenly be flashed by this woman we didn't know. We told Dr. Isik about it, and he smiled and said, "everybody has seen her boobs but me." He didn't do her surgery because this was before she knew him, so it was really funny!
Taryn rolled out Thursday, and Colleen arrived late that night from Anchorage. She got the easier shift because I'm able now to do more for myself, but I do get tired easily and I still sleep a lot. We did make it to a good vantage point Friday, to see the Blue Angels perform in day one of their Seafair performances, and as usual they were breathtaking. We totally lucked out finding a parking place, and then ending up at this same little spot I found two years ago. Saturday night we had dinner at the wonderful Book Bindery. I seem to take all my out of town guests there! It's so damn good! We shared a bottle of wine, which I hadn't done in a while, and boy, did I sleep that night, then had to take a nap and go to bed early the next night. Oh boy.
Hopefully I will have more strength in two days, as we have tickets to see Aerosmith at the Tacoma Dome. I plan to take a good nap in the afternoon! I figure I can do this - after all, I was at the U2 concert last year one week after the appendectomy! Rock-n-roll is always a priority!!!!
Monday, July 16, 2012
This was an easy one
Had the delay procedure this morning and I'm doing fine, albeit a little woozy from pain killers. This was done in the small OR at the Polyclinic where Dr. Isik has his practice. Next Monday I'll be in the "big house" as I like to call it, aka Swedish Hospital on Broadway where I had all my other surgeries.
It hurt when the anesthesiologist first started to push the night-night stuff into me, then I heard them saying my name, and it was over. My first though was, oh my God, I overslept and missed it!
I've got gauze and steri-strips over the two incisions. I can take the gauze off tomorrow. Jim is here and I'm just taking it easy.
This is funny - it's a beautiful day, so after I got up from a nap, we were sitting outside eating tuna sandwiches. My cute neighbor came by with her new baby, so I got up to coo over the baby. Well, Jim was too busy looking at the cute neighbor (she is adorable - slim little thing that doesn't even look like she just had a baby), and while he was gawking, Abbey made off with 1/2 his sandwich! Serves him right! Don't be too concerned; he was on his second sandwich. So, Abbey scored big time. Good dog!
Okay, I'm laying low, but just wanted to report that I lived.
It hurt when the anesthesiologist first started to push the night-night stuff into me, then I heard them saying my name, and it was over. My first though was, oh my God, I overslept and missed it!
I've got gauze and steri-strips over the two incisions. I can take the gauze off tomorrow. Jim is here and I'm just taking it easy.
This is funny - it's a beautiful day, so after I got up from a nap, we were sitting outside eating tuna sandwiches. My cute neighbor came by with her new baby, so I got up to coo over the baby. Well, Jim was too busy looking at the cute neighbor (she is adorable - slim little thing that doesn't even look like she just had a baby), and while he was gawking, Abbey made off with 1/2 his sandwich! Serves him right! Don't be too concerned; he was on his second sandwich. So, Abbey scored big time. Good dog!
Okay, I'm laying low, but just wanted to report that I lived.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
I had a little pity party
I apologize to those who saw my Facebook post I put up briefly last night, before taking it down. But it seems it still lived somewhere, because I had several responses. Scary pre-op appointment, and 3/4 of a bottle of wine among other things sent me into a major funk. I'm sorry.
I did see Dr. Beatty Monday, my original breast surgeon, and it was great to see him. He's so caring and supportive. He was very reassuring about the reconstructive surgery. He said I'm in excellent hands with Dr. Isik, and I will wake up, not to worry. Even after reconstruction, I may never have normal feeling in my left breast again, which is a bummer. I basically have no feeling there from nerve damage.
I'm not so worried about the delay procedure this coming Monday. It's going to be a breeze compared to the 23rd. It will just be a small incision, enough for Dr. Isik to ligate some blood vessels. But I'll be goofy all day from the drugs. The 23rd is a different story.
When I had my mastectomy, I had to deal with a drain for what seemed like forever. They sort of look like a hand grenade, and fill with God knows what that comes out of your body - fluid you don't want building up. My sister, Cheryle, knew how much I hated that thing, mainly because it hurt. Well, after this surgery I get the thrill of not one, but two drains, and this other device that will be hanging out of me so I can dose myself with pain med. I can't OD - it's designed to only allow you to dose once an hour. I do get to stay in the hospital a day or two, but I'll be coming home with all of this crap hanging out of me and it just upsets me so much. That and being under anesthesia for 6 hours.
So, I sort of lost it. But I'm better today after taking a nap, and basically not going anywhere. I did write a story today for my old employer, and I am getting paid out of their not so lucrative freelance budget.
The story is upsetting to me, too. It's a follow up about an aspiring figure skater, who has real potential. The kicker is - and this isn't in the story to save the girl from ridicule at school - her family has recently become homeless. She just won a competition in Everett and has serious Olympic aspirations. She is very good. But it just pisses me off, the situation. Her mom, who is a single mom, lost her job two years ago after 23 years with the same company and things are just unraveling.
Then, a dear friend of mine lost her job this week - another professional just like me. I am beginning to wonder what the hell is happening to this country. I don't want to get into politics here, but I'm having a hard time with the state of the economy and how it is ruining people's lives. I'm sure as hell not voting for Romney - he won't give a rat's ass about people like me, but I'm losing faith in Obama even though I admire him greatly.
Once I'm all better and over with all of my cancer treatments and surgeries, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever have a real job again. The odds aren't good for folks my age. But I still continue to apply for jobs, even if no one responds, so I can continue to be honest in receiving my unemployment. Oh, yeah, and those rat bastards at the Department of Labor sent me a letter, which came yesterday, adding to my anger and frustration. They are going to audit me next week to be sure I really am looking for work.
Let me at them. I've got all the proof. Bastards.
So, I think freelancing and minding my investments are my best options right now, especially since I will require 4-6 weeks to recover from the surgery.
It's looking hopeful that NW Yachting is going to pick up my story on the Schooner Zodiac adventure, too, so I picked up a hard copy of the magazine yesterday at a local marina shop. It's sort of like a big tabloid, with lots and lots of ads for boats of all kind for sale. I'm intrigued now with the idea of just buying a boat I can live on, figuring out where to moor it, and write and be at peace someday. It doesn't seem like the normal "American dream" is going to happen to me, whatever that normal is. So, why not? I can sail away.
I did see Dr. Beatty Monday, my original breast surgeon, and it was great to see him. He's so caring and supportive. He was very reassuring about the reconstructive surgery. He said I'm in excellent hands with Dr. Isik, and I will wake up, not to worry. Even after reconstruction, I may never have normal feeling in my left breast again, which is a bummer. I basically have no feeling there from nerve damage.
I'm not so worried about the delay procedure this coming Monday. It's going to be a breeze compared to the 23rd. It will just be a small incision, enough for Dr. Isik to ligate some blood vessels. But I'll be goofy all day from the drugs. The 23rd is a different story.
When I had my mastectomy, I had to deal with a drain for what seemed like forever. They sort of look like a hand grenade, and fill with God knows what that comes out of your body - fluid you don't want building up. My sister, Cheryle, knew how much I hated that thing, mainly because it hurt. Well, after this surgery I get the thrill of not one, but two drains, and this other device that will be hanging out of me so I can dose myself with pain med. I can't OD - it's designed to only allow you to dose once an hour. I do get to stay in the hospital a day or two, but I'll be coming home with all of this crap hanging out of me and it just upsets me so much. That and being under anesthesia for 6 hours.
So, I sort of lost it. But I'm better today after taking a nap, and basically not going anywhere. I did write a story today for my old employer, and I am getting paid out of their not so lucrative freelance budget.
The story is upsetting to me, too. It's a follow up about an aspiring figure skater, who has real potential. The kicker is - and this isn't in the story to save the girl from ridicule at school - her family has recently become homeless. She just won a competition in Everett and has serious Olympic aspirations. She is very good. But it just pisses me off, the situation. Her mom, who is a single mom, lost her job two years ago after 23 years with the same company and things are just unraveling.
Then, a dear friend of mine lost her job this week - another professional just like me. I am beginning to wonder what the hell is happening to this country. I don't want to get into politics here, but I'm having a hard time with the state of the economy and how it is ruining people's lives. I'm sure as hell not voting for Romney - he won't give a rat's ass about people like me, but I'm losing faith in Obama even though I admire him greatly.
Once I'm all better and over with all of my cancer treatments and surgeries, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever have a real job again. The odds aren't good for folks my age. But I still continue to apply for jobs, even if no one responds, so I can continue to be honest in receiving my unemployment. Oh, yeah, and those rat bastards at the Department of Labor sent me a letter, which came yesterday, adding to my anger and frustration. They are going to audit me next week to be sure I really am looking for work.
Let me at them. I've got all the proof. Bastards.
So, I think freelancing and minding my investments are my best options right now, especially since I will require 4-6 weeks to recover from the surgery.
It's looking hopeful that NW Yachting is going to pick up my story on the Schooner Zodiac adventure, too, so I picked up a hard copy of the magazine yesterday at a local marina shop. It's sort of like a big tabloid, with lots and lots of ads for boats of all kind for sale. I'm intrigued now with the idea of just buying a boat I can live on, figuring out where to moor it, and write and be at peace someday. It doesn't seem like the normal "American dream" is going to happen to me, whatever that normal is. So, why not? I can sail away.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
