Worse than childbirth

Now that it's over, I think I'm going to be extremely happy I made the decision I did. But I'm still extremely tired and sore from the TRAM-flap. If I had known how much pain I would be in I might have chickened out. I told Taylor I think I'd rather have given birth to him 10 times over.
The days leading up to the surgery were the calm before the storm. I was sore from the delay procedure, but when Laurie arrived for "first shift" as my nurse Saturday night, we had a little wine and visited, then the next day had brunch at the Book Bindery, followed by a ride on the Great Seattle Wheel on Pier 57, a new feature to the Emerald City.
I hardly slept. I was totally awake by 3 a.m. and just gave up. We were at the hospital right on time at 5:40 a.m. - O'dark hundred. Being early on the OR schedule, there was no waiting unlike with my mastectomy where I was in the holding area a grueling six hours. It was frightening moving along so quickly. When it was time to say goodbye to Laurie, I wasn't ready. This time while waiting to be conked out, I was regaling the anesthesiologist and staff with the story of my emergency appendectomy during the time I was going through chemo, then I was in recovery. Funny how they always shut me up!
I was in recovery for two hours. I couldn't feel the pain as I still had tons of drugs in me, plus a catheter, IV and three drains. Laurie finally got to see me when they took me to my room on the 11th floor, and she told me Dr. Isik said it went very well, but it took a little longer than expected because the tissue was harder than he anticipated. Ha! Pilates! It was 3 p.m.
I wasn't really hungry, so after awhile I had some jello and vanilla wafers. Laurie took off to go take care of sweet Abbey, and to have dinner with another friend of hers who was in Seattle visiting from New York. I was happy she had someone else to entertain her. Mira came to see me at 8 p.m. until 9 p.m. and we laughed and she and nurse Bonnie were marveling about how good I looked. Bonnie said most people have a gray pallor right out of surgery, and she was stunned that I had color in my face. Note: I HAD NOT slipped into any makeup! Anyway, Mira said the funniest thing - she said "surgery becomes you." I laughed until it was hurting and I had to quit!
One hour later all hell broke loose. All the big drugs must have worn off because I was in excruciating pain. It took Bonnie until 11:30 to get me comfortable. I was shaking, crying, wishing I'd just die.
I said to her, "how can I go home tomorrow? I can hardly move?"
She was a tough bird. She said by golly, I have patient's rights, and if I don't want to go home Tuesday I don't have to. I stayed.
Dr. Isik came in Tuesday morning and I told him I couldn't possibly go home and have Laurie dealing with this pile of mush that can't even move, and he was fine with that. They took my catheter out, which meant I was going to have to get up to go to the bathroom. It was so much effort. Then, I couldn't sit low enough to reach it, so they had to bring in a high-rise toilet. My first walk to the nurses station and back was total hell. I didn't think I'd make it. What had I done?
Much to my amazement, by Wednesday morning, not only was I able to go the regular toilet by myself, I could walk a short distance. Bonnie had gone home early in the morning, and I had another wonderful nurse, Megan most of Tuesday. But then dipshit Trang came back (I had her in the beginning) and I was getting pissed. She was the most inept nurse ever. Totally stupid. I had snapped at her more than once about making me wait for my pain medication. I said to her, "I don't think you realize how much pain I'm in - this is not make-believe." Then I waited an hour to get a diet Sierra Mist and chicken noodle soup (Campbell's sucky soup), and I was ready to get out of there. I was home by 3 p.m. and felt better already in my own digs. Abbey was thrilled to see me, but we had to be very careful to keep her from jumping on my belly. I think she understood something was up with mom - what, she wasn't sure, but she's been a really good girl.
All was pretty quiet for the next 48 hours. I slept a lot. Laurie was fine - she was confident enough to go here and there in her car, but she stayed close to home after I got out of the hospital. So, Thursday, Taryn arrived for shift number two. Both would stay that night. In advance I had gone to one of those places where you put dinners together in advance and freeze them, so I had a nice cod in I think some sort of lemon sauce, which they prepared along with a really good salad, and Taryn brought some awesome lemon bread from a bakery in Idaho.
Now, let me tell you, pain killers - any kind - have one really nasty side effect. Constipation. I had been taking a stool softener daily, but it was Thursday now, and I hadn't moved the earth since Sunday. I was miserable. When the girls ran out to the store, they got me some Milk of Magnesia, which the doc said was fine. I swigged a capful and was off to the bathroom. Once again I wanted to die. I didn't realize it, but I was in there an hour and 45 minutes screaming, moaning, begging for mercy while they held dinner. I know they were cracking up, but it wasn't funny. So, finally I yelled for whoever was brave enough to crack open the bathroom door and hand me my medical marijuana because it helps move things, too. Taryn dashes in and delivers the goods. In retrospect, it was hilarious. She came back again, for what I've forgotten, but she swears she got a second hand high. It's amazing the bathroom didn't explode.
Suffice it to say, I was exhausted, but I did enjoy my dinner. I was in bed not too much later. Then, I had a nightmare and woke up screaming and both of them came running into my bedroom. A few hours later, I thought Abbey was crying so everyone got up again. Lord, I have such wonderful friends.
Laurie left bright and early, so now Taryn had to deal with me on her own.
Taryn is a small town girl, so I was amazed when she said she'd come to the big city to take care of me. So, she didn't go anywhere except to walk Abbey for days! Let me digress for a moment to Abbey. She's so funny. At first, she wouldn't walk with Laurie. She'd plant her ass on the sidewalk and refuse to move. Momma wasn't there. But soon she realized if she wanted to be walked, she didn't have much of a choice. Taryn arrives. Same drill. She digs her heels in and won't budge. It was so funny - finally Taryn had to run to get her moving, then Abbey would go! I can only imagine what that looked like outside! I took her for a very short walk today, and she was very happy, although I walk at a snail's pace. So, now she needed to get ready for Colleen. If she wants a serious walk, I'm not there yet. She's so damn spoiled! It turned out, she walked just fine for Colleen, because I think she remembers Col, since she is down here a few times each year.
By Sunday, Taryn's dad, Carl, step-mom Shelley, and half-brother, Rick, were able to come and rescue her and take her to lunch and out and about a bit in West Seattle. They came in and visited with me on both ends. What a nice couple, and I had never met Rick, and he's a neat kid. He's 23 and was in a band, so I asked him if he was the rock star, and he looked at me sort of hesitantly, and shrugged and said, sure!
The next day, I was thrilled because I got my drains out! All three of them. The "C" drain, out the right side of my abdomen filled the most, but it was well below 30ml in a 24-hour period. So they were only in a week, compared to three weeks with my mastectomy drain, which I thought was interesting because this was a much more invasive procedure. With no icky stuff hanging out of me, Taryn and I were able to enjoy a nice dinner at a West Seattle place called Blackboard Bistro that evening. I was so happy to get out.
In addition to the obvious pain from my wounds, my back hurt like a mo-fo. I've had lower back problems anyway, but walking with a slight stoop from my belly hurting, made it worse. Much to my amazement, Naomi, the best massage therapist I've found here, makes house calls! She came with her table, to my home, and massaged the hell out of my back, relieving a great deal of pressure and pain. I plan to go to her again, soon. It really, really helped. By mid-week I was able to see Dr. Isik and he was thrilled with my progress. That was 10 days out. He took off the steri-strips, any remaining stitches and said he'd see me in a month! A month?! But as I write this none of my guts have fallen out!
Dr. Isik told me to keep paper tape over my abdominal incision 24/7, changing it when I showered, and it would greatly reduce scarring. Who knew? As far as the breast incisions, he said one positive to radiation, is that the tissue won't scar. Again, who knew. I feel like the bride of Frankenstein right now, but it will be awesome when I'm all healed.
When Taryn and I went to get my drains out, one of the nurses who had this procedure years ago, showed us her boobs and her belly and we were duly impressed! But it was so funny to suddenly be flashed by this woman we didn't know. We told Dr. Isik about it, and he smiled and said, "everybody has seen her boobs but me." He didn't do her surgery because this was before she knew him, so it was really funny!
Taryn rolled out Thursday, and Colleen arrived late that night from Anchorage. She got the easier shift because I'm able now to do more for myself, but I do get tired easily and I still sleep a lot. We did make it to a good vantage point Friday, to see the Blue Angels perform in day one of their Seafair performances, and as usual they were breathtaking. We totally lucked out finding a parking place, and then ending up at this same little spot I found two years ago. Saturday night we had dinner at the wonderful Book Bindery. I seem to take all my out of town guests there! It's so damn good! We shared a bottle of wine, which I hadn't done in a while, and boy, did I sleep that night, then had to take a nap and go to bed early the next night. Oh boy.
Hopefully I will have more strength in two days, as we have tickets to see Aerosmith at the Tacoma Dome. I plan to take a good nap in the afternoon! I figure I can do this - after all, I was at the U2 concert last year one week after the appendectomy! Rock-n-roll is always a priority!!!!