Feeling so much better.

Mentally and physically, I'm much better. I saw Dr. Kaplan yesterday for Herceptin, and he's giving me another three-week reprieve before we try another estrogen blocker. This one will be in a different "family," so hopefully I won't spin out. I couldn't take it again.
I always tear up when he and I have life and death conversations with him, which I usually initiate, but I have to know my odds. If I can tolerate another estrogen blocker, I increase my chances of the cancer not coming back by five percent. To me, that doesn't sound like a lot. But I'll give it a try in three weeks, but if nothing works without me feeling so dark again, I won't do it. I said to him, "you know that bumper sticker that says, 'I'm low on estrogen and I've got a gun?'" Well, that's how I felt. Only I wouldn't shoot somebody else. I'd shoot myself, and I don't really want to do that. Too messy! Hahaha! I know, sick.
I am very excited about tomorrow for many reasons. First, I finally get to see the plastic surgeon again about reconstructive surgery. I'm so anxious to hear what he has to say about when we can do it. I so desperately want to be "normal" again. I've waited months for this appointment.
Also, tomorrow, my friend Barrie, who I have known forever, and her daughter, Jenny, who I've known since she was a toddler, are flying in. Jenny is expecting her first child, so they are coming down from Anchorage to shop for baby furniture and what not.  I haven't seen Barrie since Jenny's wedding in the summer of 2010. Jenny was down last fall before she was pregnant. So, it will be so much fun to see them both. Barrie's staying here Thursday through Sunday; Jenny's staying at her friend's home in Olympia, but  we'll all get together.
Meantime, still no luck with the job hunt. I received yet another rejection e-mail today. It's beginning to feel like 2009 again. I had some other ideas, and Jacci, our group leader of the After Breast Cancer support group, encouraged me to think outside the box. So, I sent some e-mails regarding this idea, and not one has responded. It's terribly discouraging, but I am just trying to keep the faith.
Meantime, if you're a Facebook friend, you probably saw my photos from this past Sunday's "Beams and Dreams" sailing adventure. It was so much fun! I was alerted to it by Gilda's Club, and got in and was able to bring a guest, so I brought my crazy pal, Mira. We crack ourselves up - we both think we're so funny! Anyway, "Beams and Dreams" was the brainchild ten years ago of two brothers, then 12 and 13, as a way to give back. It's a free sailing adventure for cancer patients. Their parents were on the trip as ambassadors for their sons, who are now in college. These boys, at such a young age, sent out hundreds of inquiries to make this a reality, and hooked up with the Adventuress, a monster of a sailboat, built in 1913 as a whaling ship.
Now, the Adventuress is a non-profit, mostly used for teaching and research. But we got to help out raising the sails and what not; I can't remember all the terms, but Mira and I decided it was all about jibbing and jabbing, of course, cracking ourselves up! The crew was sooo nice. The captain was way cool - I told him he needed a parrot on his shoulder! Anyway, it wasn't real windy, but we eventually caught a breeze so they turned the engine off and we bobbed around Elliott Bay. It was lovely. Very good for my soul.
Next Tuesday night, Mira and I are going to the Black Keys concert at the Key Arena. Rock-n-roll! I'm so excited! They are so freaking good! I'm sure we'll have a blast. I've got my personal summer concert line up mapped out - in June I'm seeing the Broadway production of "American Idiot," at the Paramount - yes, it's a play, but scored by the rock band Green Day. I scheduled nothing for July, because that is when I suspect I'll have my surgery; but then in August I am seeing Melissa Ethridge as part of the Zoo concert series, then Aerosmith at the Tacoma Dome! I haven't seen either of them since the 90s - at the Spokane Arena. Melissa is a breast cancer survivor and one rockin' chick. Then, in September, I'm super excited about seeing Bonnie Raitt at Chateau Ste. Michelle winery. I have loved her to death since the 70s, and I haven't seen her since the 70s in Anchorage!! Her new CD is stunning.
So, the music keeps me going.
The online dating is pretty weird. I did have coffee with this one dude, and he talked about himself for the entire hour, then had to split. I could tell he wasn't interested, but I wasn't either. Good God, he's 60 and still has fucking roommates. Grow up dude. Then, there's the ones who get to chatting with you online, and then I finally realize they are only interested in a FWB. Ever heard that one? I hadn't until a year ago - it means friend with benefits. No thanks. Again, grow up.
My hair continues to amaze me. It's dark and curly! It was pretty much stick straight and blonde as a child, then it got more brownish-red, so I enhanced the red for years, now, it's dark, dark brown with amazingly little grey. I had to have it trimmed and shaped last Saturday because I was beginning to look like Little Richard back in his pompadour days! I was beginning to look like an eraser head!
I'll update soon regarding the next surgery. Peace out.