I'm doing the best I can

I keep telling myself that, but I can't seem to get enough done (in my opinion). The last two days have been hard. It's been two weeks since my last chemo and I was thinking it was three. I can't even keep track of time. But I do feel better in that sense - I don't have the icky dry mouth and sick feeling anymore.
That said, I've been crying on and off for two days. I'm scared about the surgery, which is this coming Wednesday. I'm not worried about my surgeon, he's fabulous, or about not waking up, rather how it's going to all turn out.
I had an MRI Tuesday, and it says "there has been a further decrease in the volume, size, peak enhancement and kinetic profile of the abnormality centered at 11 o'clock."..etc, etc. then at the end it says "no adenopathy is visible" which means no signs of cancer in my lymph nodes, which is real good news. But it goes on to say that the "abnormality" had a substantial but incomplete response to therapy.
So, here I worry and worry about becoming a deformed person. And I cry and wonder what the next steps will be. I will refuse to do any more chemo. I don't care. It's too hard.
So, big fun tomorrow as I go in search of a very supportive sport bra that I will have to wear 24/7 for a few days while I heal.
I am so grateful Joni is coming. I just couldn't do this one on my own. We're going to have dinner the night before my surgery at my favorite (well one of my favorites) restaurant, The Book Bindery, in Fremont. It's so killer - a food writer turned me onto the place. It's only been open since last fall, but it's been "discovered" so you have to have a reservation. Hopefully it won't be my last meal.
I've been working really hard trying to get in more hours at work, and it was a busy week. Wore me out. I worked late three nights with meetings, then a guy was electrocuted on the Island, and a truck plowed into an old woman's house; breaking news is not real common on Mercer Island, and I'm it to respond.
My son Taylor, and his girl Jamie were indeed here for Labor Day Weekend. My God, it was so good to hug him. He hugged me harder this time, and didn't let go. I know he's worried about me. But we had fun - ate out one night, then drove by the house Kurt Cobain died in - I'd never even seen it before! I know - macabre.
We did Pike Place Market with a zillion other people Saturday, but it was such a beautiful day and all the flowers were overwhelmingly lovely.
Sunday we did Bumbershoot, and it was another sunny, gorgeous day. It was actually too hot for me. I get warm quick and can't take too much. The first thing I did, was listen to a talk given by Pamela DesBarres, aka "Miss Pamela," the world's most famous groupie and author of several books, the first one being "I'm With The Band." I read the book about 8 months ago and loved every word. She is a hoot, and still quite attractive in an old hippie sort of groove. In fact, she's coming out with her own clothing line next spring called Hippie Couture. Can't wait! Anyway, she autographed my book and I bought the sequel called "Piece of my Heart." It was very cool. I asked her if she was the inspiration for the character Penny Lane in the movie "Almost Famous," and she said she and two other groupies were. She also thinks the Stones will tour once more. Nice.
Later I saw Leon Russell while the kids went to see a hot Seattle rapper. Leon made me very happy. He did a lot of his great old blues, but also a couple of Beatles and Stones songs. He's played with them all. I was thrilled that he did his very famous take on "Jumpin' Jack Flash." He's still got a huge mane of white hair and beard, all under a white cowboy hat. Love the guy - geez he's in his 70s now and can still rock it.
On Labor Day all three of us took Abbey to the park for a walk, then they had to go back to Idaho. Jamie had a class Tuesday morning, and Taylor started Wednesday. They are both at North Idaho College.
Okay, I feel better.
Whatever it is you do, pray, meditate, chant....send it my way Wednesday because I'm scared shitless.